Revenge Sleep Procrastination: The Reason You Stay Up for “Just One More Episode”

Free Time = “Me Time”

Understanding Revenge Sleep Procrastination

Why do some parents, especially mothers, find themselves up late, despite knowing they should be asleep? This behavior, known as revenge sleep procrastination (RSP), is when individuals sacrifice sleep for leisure time due to a lack of free time in their daily routines. While some might refer to it as “revenge bedtime procrastination,” we’ll keep it short with RSP. Many might delay bedtime because they want to extend their day or catch up on chores. Interestingly, a 2019 study found that students and women are particularly prone to this habit. Parents of young children, however, are prime candidates for RSP; for them, the time after the kids are in bed feels like a rare chance to reclaim their identity, instead of just being a snack provider or a life coach. Who could blame an exhausted mom or dad from squeezing in another episode of their favorite show or mindlessly scrolling through social media?

We often convince ourselves that we can manage the consequences of this small rebellion with an extra cup of coffee in the morning. Yet, consistently sacrificing sleep is not a wise choice, especially when we know how detrimental lack of sleep can be. Remember those days when you were so sleep-deprived during the newborn stage that you felt like a zombie? Why do we throw that precious sleep away now?

How to Combat RSP Once and For All

Most advice for overcoming RSP revolves around familiar sleep hygiene tips: avoid screens before bed, take Vitamin D or melatonin, reduce evening alcohol consumption, etc. However, these tips don’t address the deeper psychological need that RSP satisfies. It’s not just about needing help to fall asleep; it’s about reclaiming personal time and feeling less deprived of joy. So how can you achieve that? Here are some practical strategies:

Communicate Your Needs to Your Child: Let your child know you need a break. One parent shared that every morning, she tells her four-year-old that they can play together after she finishes her coffee. This simple rule allows her to enjoy a few moments of peace, whether she spends it scrolling through her phone or relaxing quietly. The American Psychological Association emphasizes that parents need time away to prevent burnout and maintain their sanity.
Establish Weekly Nights Off with Your Partner: This strategy helped my partner and I navigate the challenges of parenting during our child’s early years. Every Tuesday, one of us would take charge of bedtime, giving the other time to indulge in a favorite hobby, whether that was reading at home or enjoying a night out. This small break helped us restore a sense of self, reducing the urge to stay up late without purpose.
Involve Your Child in Your Interests: While it’s great to support your child’s passions, sharing your own interests can also be rewarding. If you love birdwatching, for instance, inviting your child to join you can turn an activity you enjoy into quality time together. Seeing you engaged in something you love can be validating for your child and keep you from feeling drained.
Encourage Independent Play: It might feel counterintuitive, but allowing your child to entertain themselves is crucial. Every child needs time to explore their independence. While doing this, you also get the chance to enjoy a few moments of solitude.
Streamline Your Schedule: If your daily tasks feel overwhelming, you might try to compensate for lost time in the evening, leading to RSP. Instead, focus on trimming down your schedule to include activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Final Thoughts

As you consider RSP tonight, ask yourself whether you’re truly enjoying your extra half-hour, or if you’re just frustrated that your day revolved around everyone else’s needs. While your child’s well-being is paramount, it doesn’t mean your needs should fall to the bottom of the priority list. Make space for yourself, even if it’s just ten minutes at a time, and you might find that the allure of staying up late loses its charm.

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Summary

Revenge sleep procrastination (RSP) is a common issue among parents, especially those with young children. It arises from a need to reclaim personal time after a day filled with caretaking demands. By implementing strategies such as communicating your need for breaks, sharing your interests with your children, and encouraging independent play, you can regain a sense of balance and reduce the tendency to stay up late. Remember to prioritize your well-being alongside your child’s.