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As the new school year approaches, I can’t help but reflect on the challenges my daughter has faced throughout high school, particularly regarding friendship drama. I know she’ll be graduating soon, but that doesn’t make the situation any less difficult.
In middle school, my daughter was thrilled about her new friends—a combination of her old pals and some girls from other elementary schools nearby. But soon enough, the turmoil began, just as I had anticipated. I remember being a teenager myself and all the emotions that come with being a 13-year-old girl. One moment, you’re best friends, and the next, someone else is suddenly favored. The need to fit in becomes overwhelming.
One night, while we were driving home from a basketball game, I witnessed a pivotal moment. My daughter and her so-called best friend were in the back seat when this friend announced that the new girl at school was now her best friend. I could see the disappointment wash over my daughter’s face, but I kept quiet.
Later that night, my daughter came downstairs in tears. It was raining heavily outside as she shared how her friend had said they could still be friends, but no longer best friends. I felt heartbroken for her and frustrated with that girl. Yet, I understood that this was part of life—sometimes we hurt others, and we get hurt ourselves. I was there for her, but I also knew she needed to navigate this on her own.
Unfortunately, that was just the beginning. For nearly a year, that same girl toyed with my daughter’s emotions, sometimes wanting to hang out and other times acting as if they were strangers. Eventually, my daughter found a new group of friends, but similar issues soon arose.
It’s important to note that my daughter isn’t completely blameless in this drama. I’ve seen her behave similarly toward others. Perhaps it’s easier to exclude someone than to confront difficult conversations at this age. Many teens, still developing their emotional and communication skills, often resort to leaving certain friends out, sometimes as a form of revenge for having experienced the same treatment.
Sadly, my daughter is still grappling with these dynamics as she heads into her senior year. All the drama and pressure to fit in has made her despise school. She’s been battling anxiety and depression, sometimes opting to stay home rather than face the social scene. I constantly reassure her that once she graduates, she won’t have to deal with these classmates anymore, and that there’s plenty of time to find genuine friendships.
I remind her that I didn’t find my true circle until college, and even later in life, after becoming a mother. The challenges of friendship don’t vanish, but they certainly become easier to manage outside the high school environment.
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