Letting Go
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I received a timely message from an old acquaintance after we enjoyed dinner together. It read, “Good things will come your way when you eliminate what doesn’t serve you.” Despite our lengthy conversation, where I shared about my decision to end a three-year relationship, she sensed I needed that affirmation.
“I’ve seen you contort yourself to make things work, but you just had to wait until you were ready.” She was spot on. I had to wait until I was truly prepared to let him go. But why is it so challenging to sever ties with certain individuals? This has been a pattern in my life. My younger sister often remarks that I’m “loyal to a fault,” especially as I held onto a marriage that no longer fulfilled me.
I endured a toxic work environment that made me physically unwell, simply because I felt trapped. I’ve attended social events out of obligation, worrying about how others would perceive me if I chose not to go. I even spent time with my mother, which is particularly difficult for me, during holidays when I would have preferred to avoid those encounters. There were moments I broke out in hives because I felt compelled to do so just because she’s my mother.
I know I’m not alone. Many friends have faced similar dilemmas, often saying things like, “They’re family, I can’t just cut them off,” or “We’ve been married for ten years; it’s not that simple.” I fully understand that sentiment.
However, I’ve become more adept at distancing myself from toxic individuals, and the benefits have been remarkable. In my last relationship, I discovered my partner had a gambling addiction and was an irresponsible drinker, which negatively impacted our relationship. Alcohol seemed to take precedence over me. He even faced legal issues due to his drinking, yet I still stood by him, despite a strong urge to leave.
Then, he resumed drinking and blamed me for it. He claimed I was controlling and didn’t understand how hard it was to quit. In that moment, I realized I didn’t have to endure this situation. I could choose to remove him from my life instead of constantly trying to manage the fallout of his actions.
Many of us feel obligated to remain connected to people due to familial ties or shared history. Yet, I’m learning that if someone is negatively impacting your well-being, regardless of your shared past or relationship, it’s a high cost to pay.
The hardest part is granting yourself the permission to distance yourself from people and circumstances that adversely affect you. Ask yourself: is it fair to consistently dread interactions with someone? Is it just to have someone in your life who takes more than they give? Is it reasonable to sacrifice your peace for someone who only brings negativity?
It’s not. So why are you bending over backward for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you? Ending these relationships doesn’t have to be confrontational, nor do you need to justify your decision to anyone else.
It’s absolutely acceptable to remove someone from your life in order to become your best self. Remember, the only person who needs to understand this choice is you.
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Summary:
This article recounts the personal journey of recognizing and eliminating toxic relationships. It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one’s mental health and well-being over societal or familial obligations. The author shares her experiences of staying in unhealthy situations and ultimately finding the strength to cut ties, highlighting the positive changes that followed.