Bullying Shaped My Body Image, But I’m Committed to Empowering My Daughter

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By: Jessica Lane
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: Aug. 24, 2022

I was just in third grade when I first experienced bullying about my weight. My mom had recently bought me a stylish faux sheepskin vest from a trendy store, and I felt adorable wearing it to school. However, my confidence shattered when a classmate began making cow sounds, directly targeting me. “MOO!” he shouted, followed by, “You look like a farm animal, Jessica. You’re definitely the same size as one!”

My heart sank. I felt utterly embarrassed, the laughter of my classmates echoing in my ears. I rushed to the bathroom, overwhelmed with tears, questioning why I ever thought I looked cute in my new outfit. That day marked the start of years of self-hatred.

The bullying didn’t stop there; in junior high, a boy often stole my lunch, claiming I “didn’t need it.” The relentless taunting continued, and I found myself stuck in a cycle of shame and insecurity that haunted me for years. I often looked back at old photos and realized I was just a normal girl; I happened to be a bit larger than my friends, but society’s standards made me feel like “the fat girl.”

As I grew older, I became consumed with thoughts about my weight, even as an adult. I remember feeling anxious about how I compared to my husband’s previous partners during our rehearsal dinner, where a family member made a pointed remark about his past relationships. Once again, I was crying in the bathroom, feeling inadequate.

Over time, however, I began to care less about others’ opinions. Now in my thirties, happily married to a man who appreciates me for who I am, I am raising a daughter of my own. At just three years old, I feel immense pressure to ensure she develops a positive body image.

I know I can’t shield her from the harsh realities of the world, but I can teach her how to navigate them. I’ve made a firm commitment to foster a healthy relationship with her body. Here are some steps I’m taking:

  1. Positive Self-Talk: I will refrain from making negative comments about my own body, even on days when I feel less than confident. Research suggests that children are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their bodies if they sense their parents are unhappy with their own.
  2. Body Respect: I will teach her to respect all bodies. No judgments will be made about anyone’s appearance, as every body is beautiful and worthy of appreciation.
  3. Neutral Attitude Towards Food: In our home, food will not be labeled as “good” or “bad.” We will enjoy a variety of foods, embracing both treats and nutritious choices, while fostering gratitude for nourishing our bodies.

Raising a daughter in today’s world, where body image pressures are rampant, is challenging. I am committed to instilling confidence and self-acceptance in her heart, regardless of her size.

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