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As I stand nervously on the sidelines of my nine-year-old’s basketball game during the final quarter, with just three minutes left and the score tied, I can feel the tension rising in the bleachers. Some parents are anxiously holding their breath, while others are shouting instructions. Honestly, it all seems too intense for kids this age. Trophies are displayed prominently on the scoreboard table, coaches are yelling, and some parents are gripping the edge of their seats. This atmosphere makes me worry about the children involved. I watch as one player misses a free throw and visibly slumps in disappointment. Not long after, a child from the opposing team misses an easy layup and bursts into tears. I never anticipated that youth sports could feel this competitive and stress-inducing at such an early age.
I glance at my son, who is sitting on the bench. While his teammates are focused and serious, my lanky guy is perched at the end, legs crossed and slouched over, staring at the ground. He seems to be biting his nails—not from nerves, but rather from boredom. While he enjoys sports, he doesn’t share the same intensity or competitive spirit as many of his peers. I can’t help but wonder if there’s still a place for him in today’s youth sports scene, where everyone appears so intensely focused before even hitting their teenage years.
Nowadays, elementary school children are specializing in specific sports and practicing year-round. They spend their free time honing skills and preparing for tryouts for club and elite teams. While I believe much of this pressure comes from parents, it still requires the child’s enthusiasm. Even if my husband and I were fully committed, our son simply lacks the drive to devote himself to any sport right now. He’s not particularly motivated by competition.
While his friends are fully invested in the game—hyper-aware of their achievements and mistakes—my son remains somewhat indifferent. And honestly, I appreciate that! Most of these kids likely won’t pursue sports as a career, and many might experience burnout or get cut from teams long before that ever happens. Although there are countless benefits to participating in sports, I don’t think such high-stakes intensity at a young age is one of them. So, I smile as I watch him daydream and sit cross-legged on the bench, but I do wonder how this will affect him in the future.
I gained so much from my own sporting experiences. There’s immense value in collaborating with others toward a shared goal. All kids should have the opportunity to enjoy these experiences. My concern is that we are excluding too many children too early. The atmosphere feels overly elite before they’ve even reached puberty or had a chance to adjust to their own bodies. Games seem serious and stressful, which likely discourages many from participating. It’s unfortunate that these same kids miss out on the true essence of sports—the development of character, camaraderie, and friendship.
Maybe it’s time for us parents to take a step back. If we collectively dial down the pressure surrounding youth sports, perhaps our kids will follow suit. They emulate our behavior, after all. If everyone refrained from trying to put their child on the “pro track” before they even get braces, we might create a more welcoming and enjoyable environment for all. Life is already filled with unavoidable stressors, so there’s no need to turn inherently fun activities into something more burdensome. The unathletic and less-skilled kids will naturally be filtered out by high school anyway.
Childhood should be a time of joy and carefree moments. I just hope my son’s laid-back attitude toward sports won’t hinder his chance to engage in something he truly loves. Fingers crossed.
Jamie Thompson is a former attorney and a mom of four with a knack for colorful language. You can find her on Instagram @jamie.thompson.
This article was originally published on Sep. 8, 2022.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the intense atmosphere surrounding youth sports today, highlighting how children as young as nine face immense pressure to perform. The author shares personal experiences of their son, who enjoys sports but lacks competitive drive, raising concerns about whether the current youth sports culture is conducive to fostering enjoyment and character-building among kids. The piece advocates for a more relaxed approach to youth sports, emphasizing the importance of fun and camaraderie over competition.