The “Made for This” Debate
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Is Maternal Instinct Just a Myth? It’s a Complex Issue, but Therapists Agree That This Notion Is Problematic
It’s time to move away from the idealized — and, honestly, damaging — concept of maternal instinct.
Written by Jamie Carter
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: Sep. 8, 2022
The belief in “maternal instinct,” the idea that women have an inherent drive to nurture and care for children, has long been ingrained in society. This notion suggests that women not only desire children but also possess an intuitive understanding of how to raise them. However, this belief isn’t just harmful to women; it affects everyone, including men, those outside the gender binary, and adoptive or foster parents. It boxes individuals into roles that may not fit them.
In today’s climate, where reproductive rights are under siege, these outdated beliefs are only exacerbated. The same forces attacking LGBTQIA+ rights are often the ones promoting the idea that specific gender roles dictate parenting capabilities.
But is maternal instinct grounded in biology, or is it simply a myth? We consulted two family therapists to unpack the reality of maternal instinct and its implications.
What is Maternal Instinct, and What Does Science Reveal?
According to Sarah Lang, LMFT, a regional clinic director, maternal instinct is often described as a mother’s innate ability to understand her baby’s needs, almost as if she possesses a sixth sense. Likewise, her colleague, Mark Dawson, LCSW-C, characterizes it as an intuitive knowledge of child-rearing.
In practice, this belief suggests that the moment a woman holds her newborn, a wave of “happy hormones” like oxytocin and serotonin floods her system, fostering immediate bonding and protective instincts. However, research tells a different story. A 2018 study indicates that these feelings of attachment can take days or even weeks to develop after childbirth, with some women struggling to feel them for months.
Moreover, these hormonal changes also occur in fathers, partners, and even adoptive parents. In essence, the scientific evidence refutes the idea that maternal instinct is unique to women, concluding that all parents experience similar biological responses.
What Are the Consequences of the Maternal Instinct Belief?
Lang emphasizes that the notion that women inherently possess a nurturing disposition is rooted in patriarchal ideals. This stereotype not only reinforces traditional views of motherhood but also places undue pressure on mothers to conform to unrealistic standards of parenting. The belief that there is a singular way to be a mother can lead to mental health issues like postpartum depression and anxiety.
Dawson adds that this so-called “superpower” can create feelings of inadequacy in women who don’t experience that instant connection to their children. Both partners can form emotional bonds and provide the necessary support for their child’s development.
How Can We Change This Perspective?
Just as it takes a village to raise a child, dismantling harmful stereotypes about motherhood requires collective effort. “Unlearning the idea of maternal instinct isn’t something women should tackle alone,” says Lang. It’s essential to recognize that parenting is a shared experience that transcends gender. Children thrive in supportive environments that include not only their parents but also extended family and friends.
Ultimately, there’s no perfect way to parent, and no one gender is inherently more capable than another. Parenting demands love, support, and a strong network, and there’s no single correct method to raise a child.
In summary, the concept of maternal instinct is outdated and misleading. Everyone has the capacity to nurture and care for children, and it’s crucial to foster an inclusive understanding of parenting that allows for various experiences and expressions of love.
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