Your cart is currently empty!
A Mother’s Journey: Practicing the Art of Letting Go
The memory of my first day back at work after welcoming my first daughter remains vivid. It was six weeks and four days after her arrival. My husband volunteered to take her to the sitter’s house, as I struggled with the thought of doing it myself. After ten minutes of kissing her and caressing her face in the car, I finally closed the door. Turning to me from the driver’s side, my husband asked, “Are you OK?” I nodded, but as he drove away, I felt paralyzed, much like Mae Whitman’s character in Hope Floats. I longed to scream for them to return; my arms ached to hold her again. I stood there sobbing, promising myself that I would never willingly be apart from her again.
Nearly twelve years have passed since that day, yet the emotions remain fresh. My husband and I have managed a few overnight getaways, which, while enjoyable, often felt oddly silent. We occasionally dine at restaurants without crayons on the tablecloth or hit the gym together. These moments allow us to reconnect, reminding us of the two individuals who fell in love before becoming parents. Upon returning home to our daughters, we feel rejuvenated.
A few years back, I prepared to attend a writing conference. My daughters were visibly upset, clinging to me with tear-filled eyes despite my reassurances. I hesitated as I watched their pleading expressions, ultimately needing my husband’s encouragement to step outside. The 45-minute drive to the train station was filled with a struggle against tears; I felt unnatural being away from them. I couldn’t shake the thought that others might judge me for enjoying a trip without my kids.
Their absence was palpable, akin to phantom limbs. As I navigated the hotel, I subconsciously expected to see their reflections beside me. Though I survived the blog conference, it took a full year before I ventured out again.
Recently, after a week spent together during spring break in Washington, I flew to California for another conference while my husband returned to New York with the girls. They were excited about my award nomination and even helped me select an outfit for the ceremony. My eldest daughter lovingly packed a silver purse for me, saying, “So you’ll think of me.”
This trip felt different. I was enthusiastic about meeting new friends and experiencing the thrill of the event. I indulged in the hotel’s complimentary lotion and enjoyed an early morning run without waking anyone. While I missed my children, there was a refreshing sense of independence.
Now, after years of parenting, I’ve come to understand the necessity of this time away. It is crucial for me to exist as an individual beyond my role as a mother. I aspire to be a positive role model for my daughters; if I don’t take time for myself and illustrate a life that includes passions outside of family obligations, what kind of example am I setting?
Do I still feel the pull to be home? Absolutely. Yet, I am grateful for the opportunity to spend two nights in California, learning and growing in my craft. Will I ever be able to travel without that deep-seated ache or the worry of selfishness? I doubt it. The desire to nurture and hold onto those we love remains an intrinsic part of motherhood.
The experience of wanting and waiting for our children creates a bond that makes letting go challenging. However, we must embrace these little journeys—these opportunities to come and go—so we can share the love and stories that remind us of our connections. These small adventures prepare us for the eventual day when our children will be the ones leaving home.
For further insights on parenting and related topics, you may find our blog post on home insemination interesting. Additionally, for those looking to enhance their fertility journey, visit this resource for expert advice. The CDC’s infertility FAQ is also an excellent resource for expecting parents.
In summary, navigating the complexities of motherhood often involves learning to let go, even if only temporarily. While the longing for our children is a constant, embracing personal time is essential for fostering a healthy family dynamic.