Evaluating Sleep Sound Preferences: A Humorous Inquiry into Personal Choices

Updated: August 3, 2016

Originally Published: July 11, 2005

During a recent visit to my parents’ home, I discovered that my father had relocated to my sister’s former bedroom. Given our family’s penchant for privacy and maintaining boundaries, I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Oh my goodness, Mom—Dad is finally leaving you after 51 years! Who’s the new lady?”

Without missing a beat, my mother replied, “I kicked him out of our room. Your father has developed a fondness for ‘Thunderstorm.’”

At that moment, I grasped the implications. “Thunderstorm” was not a new entertainer at a local club but rather a sound setting on a sleep machine. My entire family has become somewhat dependent on these devices to aid our sleep. In the past, we relied on air conditioning units to lull us to sleep, but now we have a plethora of brands like Hammacher Schlemmer, Brookstone, and HoMedics, all of which provide various sound options. While our tastes may differ, we are united in our preference for “white noise.” This setting has become a staple for us, even helping our infants learn to sleep peacefully.

However, my father’s sudden choice of “Thunderstorm” felt like a betrayal to our long-standing tradition. “Thunderstorm!” my mother reiterated, exasperated. “Can you even imagine? Boom! Boom! Boom!” Apologies to Eddie Rabbit, but Mom evidently does NOT enjoy rainy nights.

While I suspected their marriage could withstand this twist, I began to question whether we were being overly critical. Was our commitment to white noise too rigid? Were we unintentionally dismissing other sound options? Was it possible that our beloved white noise was not the ultimate solution for sleep? In the spirit of exploration and fairness, I decided to experiment with different settings on my sleep machine for a few nights. Here are my observations:

THUNDERSTORM

I had to begin here, and yes—there was a great deal of booming. It reminded me of a doomed ship enduring a tempest. Sorry, Dad, this one’s a no-go.

TRAIN

This setting features actual train sounds. Who finds this relaxing? All night, I envisioned myself riding the rails with vagabonds, clutching my possessions and fearing for my safety.

OCEAN WAVES

At first, this setting felt calming, but soon I found myself craving shrimp and Googling nearby seafood restaurants. Did I just hear a seagull? Those birds will do anything for a Cheddar Bay biscuit, and who can blame them?

STREAM

Is this setting meant for those who prefer to sleep with rubber sheets? I found myself getting up multiple times throughout the night.

CITY

Similar to the “Train” setting, this one replicates the sounds of urban life. After a long day of dealing with traffic, the last thing I want is to hear cars zooming by as I try to sleep.

SUMMER NIGHTS

This setting conjured images of swarms of locusts or John Travolta in a leather jacket—neither of which is very comforting.

HEARTBEAT

Having read too much Edgar Allan Poe, I found this setting unsettling rather than soothing.

JUNGLE RHYTHM

While initially serene, the occasional howler monkey and lurking panther made me feel uneasy.

RAINFOREST

This setting amplifies the humidity and conjures thoughts of giant spiders lurking nearby. It also reminded me of overpriced meals at the Rainforest Cafe.

FIREPLACE

A cozy ambiance, perhaps, but it made me think of shag carpets and the last time I checked the smoke alarm.

ZEN GARDEN

This setting led me to anticipate a massage, which made me anxious about potential embarrassing moments.

After this exploration, I concluded that I remained a devoted white noise enthusiast, and I was at peace with my choice. I’ll strive not to judge others or my dad for his unconventional sleep preferences. I sincerely hope my parents can navigate their “Thunderstorm” and find a harmonious sound solution.

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Summary

In summary, the exploration of various sleep sound settings reveals the personal preferences that shape our nightly routines. While white noise remains a favorite for many, the humorous journey through alternatives like “Thunderstorm” or “Train” highlights the diverse approaches individuals take when it comes to achieving restful sleep.