Why I Choose Not to Share My Birthday on Facebook

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In my twenties and early thirties, my birthday celebrations were extravagant, filled with throngs of friends at lively bars where laughter mingled with loud music and the occasional spontaneous romance. These events were memorable, yet they resembled a tumultuous relationship—exhilarating but ultimately too anxiety-inducing to maintain. It’s this very sentiment that leads me to refrain from posting my birthday on Facebook.

I’m not concerned about revealing my birth year—most people no longer include that detail on their profiles—but I intentionally keep my birthday date private. For my Facebook friends, July 10 is just another day in the sultry summer month that follows the Fourth of July, a time when everyone bemoans the heat and the swift passage of the season.

Reflecting on those jubilant parties, I realize they often transformed into stress-filled events rather than joyous celebrations. The anxiety began with sending invitations, where the fear of no one showing up loomed large. When friends couldn’t attend, I felt deflated. The party itself became an overwhelming endeavor, filled with a multitude of acquaintances from different stages of my life, making it difficult to connect meaningfully with anyone. I found myself fretting more than celebrating.

I understand the appeal of sharing birthdays on social media. I am not one to dismiss the “Happy Birthday” messages as insincere; receiving well wishes and pictures of whimsical cakes can certainly be enjoyable. However, the influx of birthday greetings can also add to the pressure on a day meant for celebration.

The burden isn’t solely about acknowledging messages; it’s the flood of memories they evoke—both cherished and challenging. Each greeting serves as a reminder of the myriad moments that shape our lives, prompting reflections on childhood, school days, past relationships, and distant friendships. The weight of these reflections can be overwhelming.

Thus, I choose not to disclose my birthday on Facebook. It’s not that I lack appreciation for my friends or for social interactions. I simply prefer to avoid the added stress on a day meant for personal enjoyment.

Last week, on my birthday, I opted for a different approach. I indulged in sleeping late, savoring iced coffee, engaging in exercise, and enjoying meals with close friends and family. There were no festive parties, no gifts, and no unexpected messages from acquaintances. A few old friends reached out via text or call, and I was genuinely pleased to hear from them. With no expectations or obligations, I could focus on being present, enjoying a truly lovely and uncomplicated day.

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