I Won’t Fund My Child’s College Exploration

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Recently, I engaged in a conversation with several friends who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We delved into topics such as the challenges of empty nest syndrome, the stress surrounding major selection, and the daunting financial responsibilities that come with higher education. As I am still a few years away from sending my oldest child to college, these discussions have been quite enlightening.

One friend mentioned that her teenager plans to enter college as an undecided major, which honestly left me shocked. Reflecting back to my own teenage years, I can’t fathom suggesting to my parents, “I don’t know what I want to do, so I’ll just figure it out while enjoying my dorm life.” I had a clear ambition to become a nurse, which made my decision easier. Moreover, I recognized that my parents were investing in my education while also preparing for my two younger siblings. I was determined to complete my degree promptly because I understood the financial implications for my family.

As I brace myself for the emotional moment we drop our son off at college, I’ve also come to grips with the significant cost of his education. With our daughter following a few years later, we face the reality that we can either purchase a Tesla each year for eight years or invest in two college degrees. While I would prefer the Teslas, as responsible adults, we aim to prioritize our children’s education.

From the moment my children were born, my husband and I established college savings accounts. We decided early on that we would cover their higher education expenses, just as our families supported us. We diligently saved and invested any monetary gifts our children received to ensure their college funds would grow.

However, our willingness to finance their college education comes with a crucial condition: they must have a clear vision for their future before we commit to paying for it. I refuse to support my child’s college journey if it merely serves as a means for them to “find themselves” amidst parties and vacations. My husband and I have worked tirelessly for 13 years to save, and I will not allow an indecisive teenager to squander that investment.

When I share my thoughts with friends, they often chuckle and compare me to the overly invested father from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In that movie, the father meticulously plans his son’s business college path, much to the son’s dismay, ultimately leading to a series of misguided decisions. However, I am not aiming to impose a specific career on my children. I want them to explore their passions, but I also expect them to take this opportunity seriously.

Many young people today are granted the freedom to “find themselves” without being held to higher standards. This trend has led to a generation that can come across as entitled. My children are not automatically entitled to my financial support, just as I do not have the right to dictate their career choices. It is essential for both parties to collaborate to ensure that their education leads to meaningful outcomes in the real world.

As college approaches for us, we will engage our children in discussions about their aspirations and the lifestyle they envision for themselves. We will explore college campuses and share stories from my own college days to inspire them. While I may shed a tear when we unpack their belongings in a costly dormitory, my emotions will stem from missing them, not from regret over financial choices.

In summary, while I am committed to supporting my children’s education, I will not do so blindly. They must have a defined path before I invest in their future. This balance between parental support and personal responsibility is vital for achieving a purposeful education.

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