In Dante’s Inferno, the poet embarks on a harrowing journey through nine circles of suffering, seeking spiritual salvation. While I’m no Dante, nor on a quest for redemption, I am a mother of three young children, and my experiences in motherhood often feel like a comedic yet divine struggle filled with its own form of suffering. If Dante were a mother, his depiction of the Nine Circles of Mommy Hell might have looked quite different.
First Circle
In the First Circle, a weary mother is abruptly awakened in the pre-dawn hours by her energetic children, demanding immediate attention. As she reaches for her coffee—a necessity for clarity at such an early hour—she discovers it’s gone cold. In Mommy Hell, coffee is perpetually lukewarm.
Second Circle
The Second Circle presents a circular room filled with doors, each leading to a different child’s urgent call for assistance. “I need help wiping!” echoes through the space, summoning her back and forth until she finds herself back at the first door, where the cycle repeats endlessly.
Third Circle
Moving to the Third Circle, imagine a solitary monk atop a mountain. This mother, however, is surrounded by a line of seven-year-olds, each one eager to report grievances against their siblings in increasingly loud and dramatic fashion.
Fourth Circle
At the Fourth Circle, a dining room table is set with a lovingly prepared meal. Yet, as soon as she presents her culinary efforts, the chorus of complaints begins: “I’m not eating that!” “How many bites do I have to take?” Each request spirals into an overwhelming cacophony that seems to last forever.
Fifth Circle
In the Fifth Circle, the mother stands in a beautifully adorned room, tasked with maintaining a stunning wooden floor. Just as she begins to appreciate her surroundings, a horde of children rushes in, brandishing containers of glitter that threaten to ruin her hard work.
Sixth Circle
The Sixth Circle features a warm, inviting bed. The moment the mother tries to rest, she is persistently disturbed by requests for water, adjustments to pajamas, or checks for imaginary monsters. Meanwhile, her partner sleeps soundly beside her, oblivious to the chaos.
Seventh Circle
In the Seventh Circle, a gathering of mothers showcases varying parenting styles. From breastfeeding to formula feeding, and from public schools to homeschooling, each mother believes her approach is the superior one, leading to an environment filled with comparison and guilt. There is no escape for the beleaguered mother, nor is there a single drop of wine in sight.
Eighth Circle
Surrounded by three hundred children in the Eighth Circle, the mother is subjected to the relentless karaoke version of Frozen, with every child singing along at the top of their lungs.
Ninth Circle
Finally, the Ninth Circle represents the ultimate trial: a mother driving a minivan through heavy traffic with an infant, toddler, and preschooler in tow. The baby begins to cry, escalating into hysteria. The toddler joins in, overwhelmed by the noise. Meanwhile, the oldest child complains about the chaos, unaware he is adding to it. This overwhelming scenario often feels like a never-ending nightmare, punctuated by the mother’s rising anxiety and physical discomfort.
Despite the challenges faced in this “Hell on Wheels,” there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Each of these experiences builds resilience, preparing mothers for future challenges. As we navigate the trials of motherhood—like weathering a storm—we can look forward to brighter days ahead. For those seeking more insights into parenthood, check out our other posts on home insemination at Intracervical Insemination and learn about fertility boosters from Make a Mom.
In summary, while the journey through motherhood is fraught with trials reminiscent of Dante’s circles of hell, it ultimately equips us to face the joys and challenges of raising children. The long days may feel eternal, but the years are fleeting, reminding us to cherish every moment.