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The Most Unbelievable Fabrication I Created to Cope with My OCD
Throughout my childhood, I encountered the quirky saying, “step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” and found it utterly nonsensical. While my classmates repeated this rhyme, I couldn’t help but question their reasoning. An educated mind knows that sidewalk cracks and spinal columns have no correlation. Instead, I often worried about far more plausible dangers, such as “touching a public doorknob and contracting methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus.”
Although I was officially diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) at the age of ten, I had experienced the crippling anxiety long before that. I distinctly remember a pivotal moment when I was reading on the couch and caught an episode of 20/20 discussing the Ebola virus and its transmission through monkeys in Africa. My thoughts raced: “How close did I get to the monkey exhibit during my last visit to the Scovill Zoo? Were any of those monkeys imported from high-risk areas? Did they sneeze near me?”
Fast forward twenty years, and while my fears might have evolved, they remain just as relentless. My husband often jokes that I should have a medical degree given the countless hours I’ve spent researching various illnesses, disorders, and contaminants. We even engage in a lighthearted challenge to see how long it takes me to panic when WebMD is removed from our homepage.
Over time, I have learned to sidestep certain OCD triggers. Specific events can exacerbate my obsessions, and I’ve grown increasingly aware of what might ignite my anxiety. For instance, when salmonella cases rise, I avoid salmon (I was nine, after all). Heightened security alerts lead me to steer clear of airports, train stations, and government buildings. However, nothing prepared me for the most significant OCD trigger of all: a positive pregnancy test.
Pregnancy opened the door to a whole new set of health concerns, including a range of illnesses that could potentially harm my unborn child. This is when my focus honed in on Listeriosis, a foodborne illness. I believed I could avoid this pathogen by steering clear of deli meats, soft cheeses, pâté, and raw fish—easy enough, right?
However, during my fifth month of what felt like the longest pregnancy in history, news broke of a listeria outbreak traced back to Colorado, although the specific source was initially unknown. I obsessively followed updates, even waking in the middle of the night to check for any new information. One evening, while enjoying a large bowl of pre-cut cantaloupe drizzled with Hershey’s syrup, CNN reported that the source had been identified: cantaloupe.
If you encountered me in the days following this revelation, I sincerely apologize. I called every Kroger in town, interrogated produce managers, and even sent my friend Sarah to inquire if their cantaloupe had been washed before being shelved. Despite all this effort, I was convinced I needed blood tests and antibiotics. When I called my gynecologist’s office, the nurse downplayed my concerns, assuring me that I was “fine” and that the outbreak hadn’t reached Central Illinois.
Thinking quickly, I fabricated a small lie, claiming I had been traveling the country consuming cantaloupe—consider it a “cantaloupe tour.” The nurse advised me to return if I experienced symptoms, making me realize how minimal some medical professionals can be.
I’ve since filed Listeriosis away in my extensive archive of OCD-related obsessions—alongside concerns like Ebola, melanoma, bird flu, MRSA, and even that peculiar Benjamin Button syndrome. I anticipate it will resurface during my next pregnancy, as all fixations tend to do. However, for now, I am enjoying a rare moment of peace. Managing OCD involves riding the waves of anxiety, waiting for brief interludes of calm before the next obsession arrives. Today is a good day, and I plan to take a nice walk with my daughter—once I disinfect her stroller, of course. I have heard influenza is making a notable return.
For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, consider checking out this excellent resource from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. If you’re interested in fertility, you can also explore the at-home insemination kits at Make A Mom to better equip yourself for the journey ahead.
Summary
This article delves into the author’s experiences with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and how it has shaped her thoughts and actions, particularly during pregnancy. It highlights the irrational fears and coping mechanisms that arise, illustrating the challenges faced by those with OCD. The narrative emphasizes the importance of awareness and preparedness in managing health-related anxieties.