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The Passage of Time: A Reflection on Life and Loss
When a child enters the world, parents often measure their age in fleeting moments. The arrival of a baby brings about profound changes that seem almost surreal. Just hours before, life followed a familiar pattern, but everything shifts dramatically with the birth of a child. The love one feels expands exponentially, transforming past experiences of affection into something richer and more profound.
Initially, you might track your child’s age in hours and days, transitioning to weeks—a method that aligns neatly with developmental milestones outlined in parenting books. As time progresses, this practice evolves into counting months. Before long, the thought of measuring your child’s age in years becomes inevitable, and eventually, you may find yourself calculating your own age based on your child’s milestones.
In stark contrast, a child’s death brings about a similar but agonizing experience of time. The suddenness of loss is jarring. How could Jack have been vibrant moments before I reached the water’s edge? As the hours stretch into days, then weeks, and eventually a month, you wrestle with the reality that his belongings remain untouched—his new school shoes sit idle by his room, and his name still appears in the mail.
As you navigate these painful memories, the intervals of time take on significance. You may recall a Thursday at 6 PM or mark the 8th of the month with a double dose of grief. The thought of one day measuring time in decades feels both daunting and unavoidable, as Jack will remain forever not quite 12 ½ years old.
During your child’s early years, milestones are cherished, even amidst the challenges of parenting. You long to savor these fleeting moments, but after a loss, you find yourself yearning for the years to pass quickly, as the thought of decades without your child seems insurmountable.