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Understanding Parenting Through a Different Lens
As a parent, I am acutely aware of the judgments cast upon my methods of discipline. It’s clear that many perceive my approach as overly lenient, as if I allow my child to escape accountability entirely. I’ve noticed the skeptical glances and can only imagine the thoughts running through your mind: “If only she would be tougher on him.” I recognize these sentiments because I, too, have held similar views in the past. However, my experience has taught me that parenting a child with unique challenges requires a nuanced understanding that may not align with conventional views.
My child, whom I will refer to as Ethan, faces significant hurdles due to a mood disorder. His condition necessitates a substantial regimen of medications just to navigate daily life. For the first decade of his existence, he relentlessly fought against the notion of authority, proclaiming, “You can’t tell me what to do!” In my attempts to assert control as a parent, I made errors in judgment, mistakenly believing that strict discipline was the path to success. However, the reality of parenting a child with emotional and psychological challenges is far more complex than simply asserting dominance.
Discipline, when executed correctly, should be about education rather than punishment. The term “discipline” is derived from the Latin word disciplina, which translates to “instruction given, teaching, learning, knowledge.” This definition compels me to reflect on a critical question: If no genuine learning is occurring during a disciplinary encounter, is it truly discipline, or merely a display of power over a child with a disability? I must constantly remind myself that Ethan is still a child grappling with significant obstacles.
While the outside world may not always recognize my efforts, I consistently strive to instill in Ethan the skills of critical thinking and understanding consequences. However, there are moments when his distress escalates into irrationality, which inhibits his ability to process information logically. In such instances, the effectiveness of traditional discipline is rendered moot.
For example, just yesterday, Ethan faced a setback when he learned that a new Nerf gun he had ordered would be delayed. While this might seem minor to many, for a child whose school experience can feel overwhelming, it became the tipping point. He implored me to order another one. Despite knowing that doing so would not resolve the issue, I understood he was in a state where rational thought was impossible. Instead of adhering to rigid discipline, I chose to prioritize harmony and ordered the additional toy. While this decision might appear foolish, the alternative would have resulted in greater distress for him and his siblings.
My primary objective is always to guide Ethan in navigating life’s challenges. However, when he reaches a point of emotional crisis, I must adapt my approach to maintain peace. If you find yourself questioning my parenting choices, I invite you to understand that I am operating under a different set of circumstances. Every parent’s journey is unique, shaped by their child’s specific needs and challenges.
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In summary, parenting a child with a mood disorder requires a balance of compassion and teaching, allowing for flexibility in discipline when necessary. My decisions may not align with traditional views, but they stem from a deep understanding of my child’s unique needs.