In recent months, I penned a piece addressing inappropriate comments directed at mothers of boys. My aim was to blend humor with insight, all while providing a touch of sarcasm. I thought I was helping to prevent those proverbial foot-in-mouth moments. After all, someone needs to call out such behavior, right? I envisioned my post as a public service announcement, much like those “the more you know” segments.
To craft this list, I reflected on my own encounters. I expressed my frustrations, dissected every annoying remark I had heard, and transformed them into a palpable list of grievances. When my own experiences ran dry, I sought input from friends, eager to compile a comprehensive catalog of insensitive commentary.
In my quest for a viral sensation, I dug deep for every ill-advised comment that might fall into the realm of the inappropriate, naïve, or judgmental. Yet, in doing so, I found myself spiraling into negativity. For several days, I sat atop my proverbial high horse, reliving every inconsiderate remark aimed at me as a mother, particularly regarding raising boys. Unfortunately, my search for insensitivity often led me to misinterpret simple naïveté as something more offensive.
The prevalence of “what-not-to-say” lists has surged in recent years. From comments non-parents shouldn’t make to those aimed at new moms or parents of multiple children, these lists have become ubiquitous. They draw attention and often entertain, as many can relate to the absurdity of certain remarks. After all, who among us hasn’t experienced a thoughtless comment at some point? I’m certainly guilty of making my share of them—many times, I’ve put my foot in my mouth. However, it’s crucial to recognize that most of these comments are not driven by malice but rather by ignorance or a lack of awareness.
While these lists can serve a valuable purpose, particularly in raising awareness about sensitive topics, they can also contribute to an environment of fear and misunderstanding. We’ve become so attuned to detecting offense that we may overlook genuine attempts at conversation. This hyper-sensitivity can lead us to assume negative intentions where there might only be clumsiness.
At some point, we need to relax, allowing ourselves to assume good intentions. It’s essential to recognize that not everyone has read the countless “what-not-to-say” articles circulating online. The wealth of parenting resources available can foster understanding and support but can also encourage a culture of criticism and judgment.
Daily, I question my parenting choices. Like many, I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and the challenges of raising children. I recognize that unsolicited advice can be frustrating, but I also believe in the importance of honest dialogue and understanding. We must resist the urge to view our interactions as battles between parents and instead embrace our shared experiences.
While there are indeed individuals who make deliberately hurtful comments, the majority of people are inherently kind. It’s possible that we could create a more supportive environment if we allowed ourselves to relax, attribute positive intentions to others, and focus on uplifting one another. Simple affirmations like “You’re doing well” or “How can I support you?” can be far more beneficial than pointing out what not to say.
So, what was on my list of remarks to avoid? You’ll have to look elsewhere for that information, as I won’t be publishing it here. However, I can’t promise to ignore the next “what not to say” headline that pops up in my feed because, let’s face it, those lists can be quite amusing.
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Summary
In reconsidering the impact of “what-not-to-say” lists, it’s clear that while they can provide valuable insights, they may also foster unnecessary negativity and misunderstanding. Instead of focusing on what not to say, we should encourage supportive dialogue among parents, emphasizing shared experiences and kindness.