Potty training can initially feel like a manageable endeavor. You may have read various guides or gathered insights from friends who have successfully navigated this phase with their children. However, the reality can often be quite different, presenting unexpected challenges that last for weeks or even months. Accidents occur, behavioral changes manifest, and the laundry piles up. Eventually, though, your child emerges from this phase with newfound independence.
Yet, there’s an aspect of potty training that isn’t often discussed: regression. This is not the minor setbacks seen in toddlers who were trained at an early age but rather the significant regressions that can occur as children enter school. These regressions can catch parents off guard, especially when they thought their child had outgrown such issues.
Currently, I am experiencing this firsthand with my son, Liam. The situation has revealed some unexpected emotions within me, particularly when he has accidents multiple times a week. When I inquire if he knows what has happened, he often shrugs, which can be incredibly frustrating.
My partner and I have always emphasized to Liam that accidents are perfectly normal. We strive to create an environment where he feels no shame about these occurrences. This is particularly important to me, as I went through a similar experience myself. As a child, I had a bladder disorder that went undiagnosed for many years, leading to feelings of embarrassment that linger to this day. I did not want Liam to feel that same kind of shame, and thankfully, he seems to approach these incidents without concern for what others may think.
However, after moving out of the city towards the end of his first year at school, things changed dramatically for Liam. The transition disrupted his routine and severed connections with friends he had begun to make. As a result, his occasional accidents turned into frequent ones. There were days when he would come home from school in borrowed clothes after having gone through multiple changes.
In response, my partner and I have approached the situation with understanding. We reassure him that we are not angry, just puzzled about why he cannot recognize the urge to go. Despite our reminders, he often returns from the restroom claiming he couldn’t go, only to have an accident shortly after.
What has become apparent is that Liam sometimes holds his pee because he dislikes being told what to do. He has also expressed his aversion to washing his hands, which further complicates the situation. Interestingly, he has never had an accident when we’ve been out at restaurants, suggesting that he is capable of recognizing his needs in the right environment.
Now that Liam is five, I suspect he is grappling with a case of “fear of missing out” (FOMO), which makes it difficult for him to heed his body’s signals. Our pediatrician suggests this behavior is rooted in power struggles—something many parents can relate to. For instance, he often refuses to drink water at school to avoid needing the restroom. My attempts to encourage him to go before school often turn into a battleground, complete with yelling and pleading on my part, but nothing seems to be effective for more than a couple of weeks.
This daily struggle is disheartening. It’s perplexing that a natural bodily function has become a source of tension for both of us. As I navigate this challenging phase, I hold onto the reassurance from others that these issues will not persist into his teenage years.
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In summary, while potty training regression can be a daunting challenge, it is crucial to approach it with patience and understanding. Acknowledging your child’s feelings and fostering a non-judgmental environment can help alleviate the stress surrounding this developmental stage. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and resources like Make a Mom and Johns Hopkins Medicine can provide additional support and insights.