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Why I Won’t Tell My Son He Can Be Anything He Dreams: A Parenting Perspective
In my brief journey as a parent, I’ve found myself occasionally bending the truth for my son. For instance, when I promise him ice cream tomorrow, I might conveniently forget to mention it when the day arrives. I know that introducing ice cream could spoil his appetite for a nutritious dinner, so I quietly let the opportunity slip away. This is a classic example of a lie told with his best interests in mind.
There are also those moments when I tell him that if he doesn’t go to sleep in the next ten minutes, I’ll head to bed without him. The reality is that until he falls asleep, no one else will. However, the thought of being left alone is enough to persuade him to surrender to sleep. I resort to this tactic, not out of malice, but out of necessity—sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures in parenting.
I’ll admit that I’ve also told him that Santa Claus brings presents every year, and I’ll likely continue this tradition for a few more years. The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy will also make appearances in our conversations. These fibs are harmless and part of the magical experience of childhood. However, there’s one statement I refuse to make: “You can be anything you want to be.”
While I understand that this phrase is often meant to inspire and motivate, it can also create unrealistic expectations. I genuinely believe in my son and will always be his biggest supporter, but the reality is that he cannot do everything he desires. We all have limitations, and he is no exception.
The truth is that not everyone possesses the talent or capability to succeed in every field. For instance, some individuals may struggle to perform surgery due to shaky hands, while others may lack the patience required to teach. Additionally, physical attributes can also play a role in one’s career path—some may be too tall to fit in a fighter jet, for example.
I want my son to explore his abilities and try new things. If he wishes to participate in the school spelling bee, even if he struggles with basic words, I will support him. I’ll help him practice. If he desires to join the band or choir, I will encourage him, even if his singing lacks pitch. I will cheer him on in every sport he wants to try, regardless of his initial ability.
My goal is to support his endeavors as long as he is willing to put in the effort. He might audition for the baseball team year after year, hoping to be a pitcher, but there may come a time when he realizes that this particular dream is beyond his physical capabilities. I want him to understand that it’s perfectly acceptable if some ambitions don’t align with his inherent strengths. This realization doesn’t signify failure; it simply makes him human.
As a parent, it’s my responsibility to guide him through these realizations. If I don’t, others will, and they might not provide the same level of understanding and support that I can. Right now, my son is still very young, and I have no idea what his strengths will be, what he will gravitate towards, or how far he will go. However, I do know that I won’t mislead him. If a dream clashes with his personal attributes, I will be honest with him.
Because I’m his mother, telling him he can be anything he dreams is a lie I cannot justify.
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In summary, while I will encourage my son to pursue his passions, I will also ensure he understands the importance of recognizing limitations. This balanced approach will help him navigate his dreams in a realistic manner.