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Our Family is Complete… For Now
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 13, 2012
This week has been particularly challenging; my son has completely stopped sleeping. As a result, I am exhausted. After a sleepless night, I thought it would be a good idea to take my two boys to Target after their “nap” (a term I use loosely) to seize some baby sale deals, including four large boxes of diapers, while also occupying their time. I was acutely aware that if we stayed home and I became sedentary, I would likely fall asleep, leaving my children to potentially create chaos around me.
However, the outing did not go as planned. It turned into one of the most overwhelming experiences we’ve had. I won’t delve into the specifics, but the drive home was particularly illuminating. I realized, with each passing moment, that I had no bedtime relief to look forward to, thanks to my son’s newfound ability to stay up all night and appear at my bedside unexpectedly.
In the midst of my emotional breakdown, tears streaming down my face, a thought struck me: I can’t have more children. I feel like I’ve reached my limit. This is my family as it stands.
As a tired mom of two boys, I have a yearning for more children, but the reality is that I can’t manage the ones I already have. I will miss out on the experience of knowing that my last pregnancy is my final one. I won’t have a daughter to help prepare for prom, buy tampons for, or shop for a wedding dress. That trip to Target turned into a whirlwind of realizations.
There are days when I question if having two kids was a mistake. Parenting can feel overwhelmingly difficult, and I worry about the potential long-term effects on them. Conversely, on other days, I feel like we’re doing an exceptional job and wonder if we should expand our family to include at least five more.
Then today happened. After my emotional outburst, I experienced a revelation. It was as if a light bulb illuminated my thoughts: I don’t need to determine right now how many children I will eventually have.
People often ask questions such as:
- Are you planning to have more?
- When will you try for a girl?
- I can’t believe you aren’t expecting again yet.
- You’re done having kids, right?
- Are you using any form of birth control?
My usual response has been to provide a lengthy explanation about how we intended to wait longer between our first two children, and since they are so close in age, we plan to delay a third. However, if it happens sooner, that’s out of our control. We aim to wait until my husband finishes college or until our current kids are at least potty trained, but we envision wanting three or four children in total.
Today, though, I have a new response for those inquiries: “We have no idea, and you’ll likely find out when we do.”
The future could unfold in two ways—either we will have more children or we won’t. It’s not something we need to decide right now. Throughout my 26 1/2 years of life, I’ve learned that our plans rarely align with reality. If they did, I would be an ideal mother with perfect children, a flawless marriage, and the ability to bake like a chef while enjoying ample sleep and free time.
The truth is, uncertainty looms over our future. Even if we were certain about wanting two more children, circumstances could change, and we might not have any more. Conversely, if we decided against expanding our family, we might find ourselves with two additional children. The unpredictability of life is a reality we must accept. I don’t mind when people ask about our family planning; I genuinely don’t. But the truth is, we don’t have definitive plans, and I’m learning to be okay with that. Ultimately, it isn’t entirely in our hands.
So, while our family may not be complete in the long term, it is undoubtedly whole for the moment.
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Summary:
In reflecting on the challenges of parenting two young boys, the author grapples with the uncertainty of expanding her family. Through a journey of self-discovery, she realizes that it’s okay not to have a concrete plan for the future, embracing the unpredictability of life and the current completeness of her family.