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The Most Insightful Decision We Made for Our College-Aged Son
As our youngest son, Ethan, graduated from college, I realized that the days of being an active “mom” who managed his allowance, reminded him of appointments, and took care of countless daily tasks were officially behind me. My role had evolved, and as bittersweet as it was, it was time to reflect on our journey together.
From his early years, raising Ethan was filled with defining moments that shaped him into the man he is today. I recall him at 18 months, fitted with glasses to correct his lazy eye, and the years spent wearing a patch during preschool. At five, he began kindergarten, where he forged friendships that have lasted into adulthood. I remember him at eight, taking his first solo walk to school, and at 14, celebrating a memorable triple hit in his last little league game. There were also more challenging times, like at 15, when he had to say farewell to his beloved grandfather, and at 17, when an injury sidelined him on the varsity football team during what should have been a triumphant season.
Fast forward to nearly 22 years old, Ethan was on the brink of graduation, with a job he was genuinely excited about waiting for him. Had someone told me this would be his reality when he first entered college four years earlier, I would have been skeptical. While Ethan was undoubtedly capable and intelligent, he appeared somewhat unfocused, like a blurry image waiting to come into view. I vividly recall the day we helped him move into his dorm; I sensed that he would face significant challenges.
The transition was indeed tough. The academic workload was strenuous, the social scene was daunting, and the extreme desert heat added to his discomfort. Living in a dorm with an incompatible roommate was another hurdle that would worry any parent. My husband and I felt the need to anticipate every potential obstacle that Ethan might encounter, embodying the role of protective parents throughout his life.
However, after a challenging junior year during which he opted to attend community college for a semester, he made a pivotal decision to return to the university he had left. This moment marked a turning point for both him and us. We finally made the wise choice to step back and give him the space he needed.
This didn’t mean we were absent or stopped caring. We remained supportive and available when he reached out, but we allowed him the freedom to navigate his own path. Trusting him to manage his affairs helped him to find clarity and direction. It was as if the fog began to lift; he started to focus on what was important.
For parents, particularly those with children who may seem a bit lost, it is essential to foster trust and confidence in their abilities. Encourage them to find their own way and to learn from their mistakes without rushing to intervene. Allow them to pursue their passions just as fiercely as we care for them. The most valuable thing we can do is to let them grow, even if that means letting go.
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In summary, the most profound decision we made for our son during his college years was to trust him to navigate his own journey. By stepping back and allowing him to face challenges independently, we witnessed his growth and development. This experience reinforced the importance of fostering independence in our children, equipping them to thrive in their futures.