What I Wish I Knew in My Twenties: A Reflection on Parenting

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As a former educator, I extend my heartfelt apologies to the parents I worked with before I became a mother. I regret that, when I sat at the IEP table as a job coach and prevocational instructor, I lacked a true understanding of what parenting entailed. Although I cherished my students as if they were my own children, I didn’t grasp the full scope of the challenges you faced daily.

I apologize for not recognizing that by the time you reached out for assistance, you were often exhausted from navigating the complexities of autism. My youthful, optimistic perspective—fresh from college and eager to make a difference—might have seemed either irritating or perhaps, at times, a glimmer of hope. I sincerely hope it was the latter. Having now witnessed my own child interact with teachers who look too young to order a drink, I understand why my approach sometimes elicited skepticism or frustration.

I regret that on certain days, I arrived at work without the energy to give my best effort. External distractions, such as disputes with coworkers or lingering fatigue from late nights, often clouded my focus. Whether I was battling a cold or simply experiencing job burnout, I sometimes thought, “Today, I’ll just go through the motions.” This was a disservice to your child; after all, my role was about people, not tasks. There is no room for half-heartedness when working with individuals.

I also apologize for moments when I viewed my student roster and thought, “Oh no, not them.” Each student had a name and unique personality; they were not just challenges to overcome but individuals deserving of respect—just as I expected in return.

I regret not maintaining contact with many of you. Your insights would be invaluable to me now. I apologize if I ever trivialized your exhaustion by expressing my own fatigue, not realizing that the fatigue associated with autism is an entirely different level of weariness.

I apologize for celebrating snow days and vacations without considering how disruptive they could be to your family’s routine. If I ever appeared to pity you, rather than empathize, I am truly sorry. You needed understanding, not a condescending gesture that implied your child was merely a burden to be managed.

Please know that I reflect on these experiences and often think about how I could have approached things differently. I truly apologize for any pain my ignorance may have caused.

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Summary

In reflecting on my experiences as an educator and the challenges faced by parents, I’ve come to realize the importance of empathy and understanding in the context of parenting and education. My earlier perceptions were limited, and I now recognize the unique struggles parents encounter, especially when dealing with autism. This reflection serves as an apology and a reminder of the lessons learned through my journey into motherhood.