10 Reasons My Teen is Superior to Your Young Child

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As a parent who welcomed my son at a relatively young age, I often find myself in conversations with friends about their little ones’ activities—be it soccer games or ballet recitals. Meanwhile, I’m discussing the logistics of renting a tuxedo for prom or the fact that my son has a mostly sane girlfriend. It’s common for my friends to express their dread about the teenage years. However, I must say, I would much prefer navigating the complexities of adolescence than dealing with the challenges of small children. Here’s why:

1. No More Animated Anthems: I’ve successfully avoided watching Frozen or hearing that overly popular song that seems to infiltrate every social media platform. I can enjoy actual films with my son, free from the incessant earworms that plague young children’s programming.
2. Strength in Numbers: My son possesses the strength to potentially carry me out of a burning building—though he might prioritize saving his girlfriend first. Contrast this with your elementary-age child, who would likely succumb to panic in an emergency.
3. Manual Dexterity: He has the hand strength necessary to open stubborn bottles and jars, likely honed from endless texting. This is a skill I’ve come to appreciate, especially when struggling with those overly secured containers.
4. Realistic Views on Parenthood: My teenager understands where babies come from and finds them annoying, eliminating the need for awkward stork-related discussions. He’s also aware of how to avoid creating any new mini-humans, if you catch my drift.
5. The Gift of Sleep: Unlike many young children, my son sleeps in late, often so late that I worry he might be unresponsive. On Christmas morning, he even brewed coffee—a skill that is unlikely to be found in a Disney-loving first grader.
6. Independence on Wheels: He can drive, which means he can fetch ice cream while I relax at home. I no longer have to shuttle him around town for various activities—he can manage it all himself.
7. Lessons in Patience: Though he sometimes tests my patience with his antics, I find myself learning how to remain calm, similar to what parents of toddlers experience.
8. Chores Made Easy: He tackles tasks I’d rather avoid, like cleaning up after our dog. A small child would likely be overwhelmed by such duties, while my teen handles them without complaint.
9. Humor with an Edge: My son’s jokes tend to be genuinely funny, albeit inappropriate, ensuring our dinner conversations are far more entertaining than the typical knock-knock jokes of younger kids.
10. Rapid Meal Consumption: He devours dinner in record time, requiring no coaxing to eat vegetables. It’s impressive to witness the sheer volume of food he consumes, often leaving me to wonder if I even prepared a meal.

While parenting a teenager comes with its own set of challenges, I still prefer this stage over the demanding years of early childhood. Plus, I only need to shop for one set of Christmas gifts now!

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In summary, the teenage years may come with their own complexities, but they offer a level of independence and humor that make them preferable to the demanding years of early childhood.