Notes Discovered Under the Bedroom Door: A Reflection on Parenting

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One of the most delightful surprises during my children’s early years was discovering handwritten notes tucked beneath our bedroom door. These notes were typically folded neatly and secured with tape, often addressed exclusively to either myself or my partner, indicating that the other parent was not to be included in the correspondence. I would eagerly sip my coffee while absorbing the latest updates from my little ones.

A memorable note from my daughter informed me that I should form my own opinions instead of simply siding with her dad. She felt it was unjust for him to send her to her room after she jokingly referred to him as a “dickweed.” The note concluded with a firm request: “DO NOT show this to Dad.”

When we traveled, I often found sweet messages expressing their longing for us. “I’ll really miss you, but I want you to enjoy your time away. Please don’t forget about me.” Each note was accompanied by a small drawing for each parent.

Another note, designated for “Dad Only,” suggested a new approach to allowance: “Mom wants us to do chores, but you just give us money. Let’s keep it this way—she can handle the chores while we get our allowance from you. It’ll be our little secret. DO NOT show this to Mom.”

As my children matured, the notes continued to evolve. Apologies became a frequent theme:

• “Mom, I’m sorry for being rude. You ask too many questions. I’m old enough to stay out until midnight with my friends, and I shouldn’t have to call you. Am I still grounded? I said I was sorry.”
• “Dad is so unreasonable. Everyone skips school, and I shouldn’t have to miss the dance because of that. I love you, Mom. Please talk some sense into Dad. DO NOT show this note to him.”
• “Dad, I didn’t mean to sneak out to meet Joey. I was locked outside when I tried to get back in. We were just cuddling on the sofa for warmth when Mom thought we were up to something. So unfair! Please assure her I wouldn’t do that while you were sleeping. DO NOT show this note to Mom.”
• “Mom, there’s a boy named Matt sleeping on our sofa. He had a fight with his mom and needed a place to stay. He’s really nice, and it’s freezing outside. Please don’t wake him. Tell Dad too.”
• “Dad, I apologize for calling you a butt wad. You’re a good dad, but sometimes you act like a jerk. I’ll remember that next time we argue. DO NOT tell Mom.”
• “It’s tough living here. Between homework, sports, and chores, I’m overwhelmed. If you’re curious about my mood, this is why. Please write a note excusing me from school for measles. Make it sound severe so I can rest at home for a week. Ask DAD to sign it too. Love you!”
• “Sometimes I wish you hadn’t married Dad. Why didn’t you pick a fun husband? I’m tired of cleaning my room to his standards. I’m not in the Army, and I can have a messy room if I want to.”
• “P.S. I think there’s a mouse in my room. Can you ask Dad to catch it, please?”

Now that my children are grown, I find myself reminiscing about those heartfelt notes.

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In summary, these notes were a window into my children’s thoughts and feelings, encapsulating their struggles, humor, and creativity. Though they are now adults, the memories of those simple messages bring warmth to my heart.