Chore Charts: An Exercise in Frustration

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Chore charts have made their unwelcome return. Despite my previous vows to steer clear of this maddening concept, here I find myself confronted by these energy-draining posters proudly displayed on my refrigerator.

“Let’s be clear, these charts and I will never be allies.”

I abandoned chore charts a few years back. What started as a straightforward way to teach my children responsibility morphed into a lesson in my own patience. Frankly, I could have used a chore chart for myself just to survive the entire ordeal.

• Avoid yelling at your kids as you repeatedly clarify the chore chart’s expectations—yet again—every single night.
• Resist the urge to draw blood while biting your tongue to suppress the urge to yell at your children about the chore chart for the umpteenth time.
• Steer clear of finishing a bottle of wine while trying to calmly discuss the chore chart’s expectations with your kids, again, for the umpteenth time.
• Don’t give in to despair and collapse on the floor, allowing your children to triumphantly step over you to place a sticker next to a task they did not even remotely complete.

It’s a saga filled with endless whining, desperate pleas, and an overwhelming number of empty promises that rarely result in even 80% completion of the assigned tasks. And don’t even get me started on those stickers.

“Who placed a sticker next to the task, ‘Do not put stickers on your chore chart without my approval’? Remove it. Immediately.”

Those stickers are stubborn. No amount of scratching or wiping can erase the evidence of their previous existence. What may appear as an empty space to an adult is often seen as a victory by my children.

“Yup, that’s where my sticker was! I totally earned that. I’m amazing!”

My reluctance to revisit this approach is clearly justified by past experiences. Nevertheless, every child deserves another chance, and my kids were genuinely enthusiastic about this new opportunity.

One child is eager to prove her responsibility and genuinely wants to contribute, which she already does. The other is simply enamored with stickers.

As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, not happening.” This time, no stickers! Instead, I will mark accomplishments with a smiley face drawn softly with a number two erasable pencil.

The responsible child fills her chart every day and earns bonus smiley faces for additional tasks she completes independently. As for the other child?

She sat beside me as we outlined her responsibilities:

• Pick up your toys without complaining. “Yep, Mom.”
• Complete your homework without whining. “Okay, Mom.”
• Finish dinner in under 90 minutes without fussing over your green beans. “Fine.”
• Brush your teeth for more than half a second without questioning the dental gods. “Whatever.”
• Be nice to your brother. “OMG, Mom! That’s too hard! It’s so unfair! I don’t even like him!”

Fast forward a month, and her chore chart remains completely BLANK. I’ve even tucked it away in a pile of forgotten items, gathering dust in the corner of my kitchen.

“Do I get a smiley face for recycling, Mommy? Saving the planet is good, right?” Insert a frowny face in permanent marker here.

This article was originally published on March 2, 2013.

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Summary

Chore charts can often lead to frustration rather than the intended lessons of responsibility for children. The experience can be taxing for parents, leading to re-evaluations of their effectiveness. Finding a balance with encouragement can lead to better outcomes.