The Five Stages of Parenthood and Intimacy

Many individuals assert that their intimate lives remained unchanged after having children, while others claim that their sexual activity increased after welcoming little ones. However, I find this difficult to believe.

While I appreciate a good intimate connection, it seems implausible that anyone’s sex life could stay the same or even improve following the arrival of kids. Unless, of course, one had a lackluster sex life prior to parenting. In such cases, perhaps they aren’t as affected by the inevitable decline in intimacy that often accompanies parenthood. Setting the bar low from the start might just be the secret to maintaining a sense of satisfaction.

Now, let’s delve into the reality: having children significantly impacts your sexual relationship. Though I am not a relationship expert, I can identify five distinct phases that couples often experience regarding their intimacy.

1. Dating Phase

This stage is often filled with excitement and passion. You may recall the overwhelming desire to be close to each other, where every meeting felt electric. I spent the first several months of my relationship with my partner in a state of disarray, quite literally, with what I affectionately refer to as JBF hair—“Just Been…”

2. Cohabitation Phase

Initially, this phase appears exhilarating. After all, if every date prior to moving in together culminated in intimacy, it’s only natural to assume that sex will become a daily occurrence. This assumption is often met with a harsh reality check.

3. The Trying Phase

Also known as “pulling the goalie,” this magical time transports couples back to the Dating Phase. However, the initial excitement can fade as the pressure of conception turns intimacy into a somewhat enjoyable experiment.

4. Pregnancy Phase

Entering this stage brings a wave of joy, but it can quickly be tempered by morning sickness. Unfortunately, the sound of your partner experiencing discomfort may not be the most romantic backdrop for intimacy. By the second trimester, many women start to feel better, but some partners may feel hesitant as pregnancy progresses due to concerns about the growing belly.

5. Post-Childbirth Phase

In this final stage, the dynamics of intimacy change permanently. Scheduling intimacy around naps and bedtime becomes the norm, and any moment of passion is fraught with the anxiety of potential interruptions from a crying baby.

While there may be more than five phases in this journey, my partner and I have yet to experience them all. I suspect that once our child begins school in a couple of years, we might find ourselves revisiting those earlier, more adventurous stages. Should I be mistaken, I kindly ask to keep that insight to yourself.

For more information on the journey of parenthood and intimacy, check out our other blog posts, such as this one about navigating the complexities of family life. Also, for those interested in at-home options, Make a Mom provides authoritative resources. For further guidance on pregnancy and insemination, I recommend visiting this excellent resource.

In summary, while the journey through parenthood can change the dynamics of intimacy for couples, understanding these phases may help navigate expectations and maintain connection.