10 Reasons I Stepped Away from Competitive Parenting

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I’ve made a decision: I’m done with competitive parenting. I understand we often tell our children not to give up, but there comes a point when the exhaustion outweighs the desire to keep up with the so-called parenting race. I’m waving my white flag, acknowledging that I’m lagging behind, and quite frankly, I’m okay with it.

From the outset, I faced challenges that set me back. I dealt with postpartum depression, chose not to breastfeed, and allowed my children to cry it out—while I did too. I introduced them to whole milk before their first birthday, skipped baby sign language, and served them sugary yogurt and fruit snacks. My oldest son’s baby book is a chaotic mess, and my second son doesn’t even have one. As my kids grow, the feeling of inadequacy intensifies. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out, while I’m just trying to keep my head above water.

You might say there’s no such thing as competitive parenting, and that judgment doesn’t exist, but it certainly feels like there’s an unwritten rulebook titled “How to Be the Perfect Parent” that I somehow missed. Here are ten reasons why I’m stepping back from this exhausting endeavor:

1. Concert Attire: When my eldest had his preschool holiday concert, he wore a t-shirt that read “Monkey Trouble,” while his classmates looked like they were dressed for a royal event. At least he chose his outfit, right?
2. Dinner Choices: Our meals mostly consist of mac & cheese, PB&Js, and pizza. Healthy options like baby carrots and apple slices make occasional appearances but are by no means a staple.
3. Fashion Standards: If my husband comes home and I’m not in pajamas or yoga pants, he starts to worry. My boys refuse to wear anything other than t-shirts and running pants. Matching outfits? Forget it.
4. Sports Participation: I cheer occasionally but mostly just observe from the sidelines. I don’t make banners or shout loudly; I simply ensure my son attends practices and praises him afterward.
5. Halloween Outfits: While the internet showcases creative, handmade costumes, mine usually end up in last-minute, store-bought options. My youngest often wears his brother’s old costumes, which is fine, but not exactly Pinterest-worthy.
6. Birthday Treats: Forget the elaborate, gluten-free creations. If I remember to bring treats to school, they’re typically sugary and store-bought. The kids enjoy them, so that’s a win, right?
7. Art Projects: While I appreciate my kids’ preschool art, the sheer volume of glitter and glue can be overwhelming. I save a few masterpieces and recycle the rest; even the recycling truck appreciates their creativity.
8. Classroom Involvement: I envisioned myself actively participating in school events, but my attempts to coordinate a Halloween party fell flat compared to the more elaborate setups of other parents.
9. Family Outings: Our idea of adventure includes trips to Target or bike rides. I admire parents who can manage excursions to museums and aquariums; we’ve only visited a few times, and that’s sufficient for now.
10. Playground Interactions: The playground can feel like high school again. I’m not one for small talk and prefer to sit on the sidelines, catching my breath and occasionally checking my phone.

So, I’m stepping back. I acknowledge my limitations and the unique journey of each parent. For those still in the thick of it, keep forging ahead. And for those who feel as drained as I do, let’s find solace in this quieter space, away from the competitive noise.

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In conclusion, I’m embracing my choice to step away from competitive parenting. It’s vital to remember that every parenting journey is different, and finding peace in our unique paths is more important than keeping score.