Nature vs. Nurture on the NYC Subway: A Parenting Perspective

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On a chilly winter afternoon, I boarded the F train with my son, Lucas, and his friend, Mia. Lucas had just turned seven, and to celebrate, I was taking them both to see Mary Poppins on Broadway. They were growing up quickly—no longer needing me to hold their hands as they navigated the subway. Standing apart, they clutched the pole and gazed into the distance, embodying the spirit of New Yorkers. However, the moment took an unexpected turn when Mia absentmindedly pressed her lips to the pole. After snapping a quick picture for her parents, I instructed them to take a seat.

Once settled across from me, they engaged in animated chatter about whatever fascinated seven-year-olds in that particular year (this was prior to the Rainbow Loom craze but after the era of Wow Wow Wubbzy). I couldn’t help but feel pride as I observed their maturity and confidence—two wise kids growing up in the bustling city.

A few minutes later, and still several stops from our destination, the train car door swung open with a loud clang. A man in camo stepped inside, pausing to scan the rows of passengers. I assessed him: a cardboard sign around his neck and a cylindrical container in hand suggested he was likely a homeless veteran.

As he approached, he began to share his story, weaving through the crowded car, his words mumbled yet earnest. He was met with indifference; typical subway behavior was to ignore such encounters. However, I felt a surge of anxiety. How would I explain this situation to the kids? I was unsure of what Mia’s parents had shared with her about homelessness, mental health issues, or the struggles faced by veterans. Would they have questions? Would they feel sad?

Lucas and Mia were New York City kids—familiar with the sight of homelessness from prior encounters. Yet this moment felt more intimate as the man stopped directly in front of them, creating a space that could have allowed any of us to reach out and touch him.

Observing him closely, I noted he was likely in his fifties. His sign, filled with shaky letters and hand-drawn American flags, was barely legible. His clothes were clean, yet ill-fitting, and his eyes appeared dull and detached. He resumed his speech, stating, “I am a homeless veteran. I served this country and now I’ve been abandoned by the government.” It was clear that the sign served as a guide for his plea.

Lucas and Mia were captivated, their laughter silenced as they absorbed the gravity of the situation. They watched intently, their expressions reflecting a mix of confusion and empathy. My heart swelled at their evident compassion. The man shook his container, filled with coins that rattled inside. I noticed it resembled a large Lifesavers roll, a nostalgic candy from childhood.

As he concluded his speech, the atmosphere remained unchanged; no one moved to help him. Lucas’s eyes widened, revealing his desire to assist the man, yet feeling powerless as children often do. I realized this moment would provide an opportunity for discussion later, even if I had forgotten to offer the man any money. Surprisingly, no one else in the car had either. He shuffled away, heading toward the next car.

As the train approached a station, Lucas turned to Mia, his expression animated. I leaned in, eager to hear his thoughts. “Mia!” he exclaimed, gesturing toward the man. “That guy’s so lucky—he has a whole thing of Lifesavers!”

The train lurched to a stop, and the man exited, moving on to the next car to tell his story again.

This experience served as a reminder of the complexities of life we encounter in urban settings like New York City. It illustrates the importance of nurturing empathy and awareness in our children, enabling them to understand the world around them, including issues such as homelessness and mental health. For those interested in further understanding these topics, resources such as the CDC offer valuable insights into societal challenges, including infertility, which can also impact family dynamics.

In summary, engaging with life’s realities, like those experienced on public transport, can foster vital conversations about empathy, social issues, and the human experience. As we guide our children through these moments, we help shape their understanding and compassion.