Rediscovering My First Language: A Journey of Heart and Heritage

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The simple answer to why I now find myself enrolled in a Spanish class every Wednesday evening (with a supportive friend for encouragement) is that despite Spanish being my first language, I lost touch with it over the years. While the class focuses on “Spanish Film and Conversation,” it remains a step away from the basics. “How embarrassing!” I often hear from fluent speakers. I wish my struggles stemmed solely from laziness, but as many individuals from multicultural backgrounds can attest, the factors behind diminished language skills are complex, influenced by societal trends and geography.

Societal Trends

During the 1970s and 1980s, it was deemed socially unacceptable to speak anything other than English. This wasn’t merely a matter of preference; it was a serious issue that could lead to bullying. My father often recounted how his immigrant father faced severe punishment in school for speaking anything but English. At that time, the Latino population was a mere fraction of Americans, overshadowed by earlier waves of non-English speaking immigrants. The focus was on assimilation, and the landscape has drastically evolved since then. Today, the Latino demographic has surged from roughly 9 million in the 1970s to about 60 million, with projections suggesting it may double by 2060.

Now, while many U.S.-born Hispanics primarily speak English, there’s an increasing acceptance of Spanish as part of American identity. Learning another language has become essential in our globalized world, and thankfully, my heritage is now viewed as an asset rather than a liability.

Geographical Influences

My decline in bilingual abilities began when my family moved from a vibrant Hispanic neighborhood in Manhattan to New Hampshire, where my four younger sisters were born. I often joke that we were among the first Latino families to integrate the state, but back then, it felt anything but humorous. The common question my brother and I faced was “Do you speak Puerto Rican?” rather than “Do you speak Spanish?” It was a telling reflection of the cultural misunderstandings that still exist.

Although New Hampshire has changed significantly, there remain pockets in the U.S. where speaking Spanish can lead to uncomfortable situations. My mother once faced hostility when she dared to converse in Spanish at a supermarket. Adding to my language struggles, I attended a French-Canadian Catholic school where French was the primary language of instruction. At my first Spanish class last week, I found myself mixing up languages, unintentionally saying “gateau” (French for cake) instead of “pastel.”

In my early twenties, I regained some linguistic confidence while living and working in Santiago, Chile, and Mexico City. Upon returning home, I felt a sense of pride speaking Spanish with my mother again. However, after her passing a decade ago, I distanced myself from the language because it brought forth memories of our shared moments—dancing to salsa in the kitchen, folding laundry while listening to Julio Iglesias, and enjoying Abuela’s tostones.

Today, I seek to reclaim my fluency in Spanish—not just for practical reasons but as part of my healing journey. My daughter is now taking Spanish in school, and rather than resisting, she finds joy in dancing to my “Rev Up Latin” playlist.

This article was originally published on Oct. 28, 2014. For more engaging content, be sure to check out one of our other blog posts, which provides essential insights on related topics.

In summary, the journey of rediscovering my first language is intertwined with personal history and cultural identity. The reclamation of my linguistic roots is not just about communication; it’s a means of honoring my heritage and the memories of my mother, fostering a connection to my past while paving the way for future generations.

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