How to Avoid Transmitting Your Food Concerns to Your Child

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How to Avoid Transmitting Your Food Concerns to Your Child

by Sarah Thompson, Clinical Psychologist
Updated: Aug. 16, 2019
Originally Published: March 18, 2014

The beautiful yet daunting reality of motherhood is the profound influence we have on our children. Numerous factors contribute to a child’s development—genetics, culture, and religion—but one of the most significant ways children learn about the world is through observation, often emulating their parents’ behaviors.

This is particularly true regarding their relationship with food. Sadly, skewed perceptions about food and body image are so common that they seem almost normal. Many women experience some form of disordered eating or negative body image, and there’s a substantial risk of passing these unhealthy habits on to their children.

When a mother expresses dissatisfaction with her body, restricts her food intake, or only eats specific types of food, her daughter is likely to mimic these behaviors, internalizing unhealthy beliefs about her own body and relationship with food.

The most effective way to teach your child to have a healthy relationship with food is to model it yourself. Before you can provide your child with a positive experience, you must first heal your own issues surrounding food and body image. How can you offer something you don’t possess yourself?

Cultivating a positive mindset about food and body image is critical to ensuring that your children feel good about themselves, regardless of their size. Although there is no instant solution for resolving personal food and body issues, change is indeed achievable; it requires awareness, honesty, and a willingness to engage in the process.

Most of our food-related issues stem from faulty belief systems formed during childhood as a means to understand the world. These beliefs, whether conscious or subconscious, dictate our feelings and behaviors. By transforming these beliefs, you can alter your feelings and actions. However, many of these beliefs are deeply ingrained and often unconscious. To initiate healing, you must first recognize and confront these underlying convictions about food, weight, body image, etc.

Once you understand what you are dealing with, you need to be willing to change these unhealthy beliefs and embrace more balanced perspectives about food and body image. This can seem overwhelming, and the truth is that change is challenging. It demands commitment, discipline, persistence, and patience—qualities that can seem out of reach for busy moms juggling countless responsibilities. However, we often find incredible strength and courage when it comes to our children. While we may struggle to prioritize our own well-being, the desire to shield our children from our own painful experiences can motivate us to take action.

While this journey may appear extensive, you can take small steps today to modify your behavior around food and body image, particularly in front of your children:

1. Refrain from complaining about your weight or discussing the latest diet you’re trying.
2. Avoid the habitual eye-rolling or negative self-talk when passing mirrors or windows, even if you think you’re being discreet.
3. Join your kids in the pool, demonstrating comfort in your body, no matter its size.
4. Accept a cookie your child offers, even if you’ve sworn off sweets for the week.
5. Politely decline a treat from your child by saying, “No thank you, Mommy’s tummy is full,” after enjoying several bites.

The key is to learn what a healthy relationship with food looks like and to embody that behavior. Even if your internal beliefs aren’t aligned yet, you can still take steps to change your outward actions. Remember, lasting change comes from transforming your internal experience.

If a child develops a distorted relationship with food and body image, it’s essential to recognize that it isn’t solely the mother’s influence at play. Various factors, including culture, genetics, and neurobiology, can contribute to a child’s experience with food, even when a mother strives to instill a positive body image. Nevertheless, it’s undeniable that mothers significantly shape how their daughters perceive and relate to their bodies.

Ultimately, the priority is to achieve stability for your children. This stability is your best defense against passing on your struggles. Consider it like being on an airplane: during emergencies, they instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting your children. Why? Because a parent who is struggling cannot effectively support their child.

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Summary:

This article discusses the profound impact mothers have on their children’s relationship with food and body image. To avoid passing on negative beliefs, mothers must first address their own issues, modeling healthy behaviors. Small changes in daily actions can lead to a more positive environment for children and ultimately a healthier perception of themselves.