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The Milestones of Our Children: Observing the ‘Firsts’ We Overlook
As I sat at my kitchen table one afternoon, engrossed in my laptop, the garden doors swung open. My eldest son, Max, rushed in, his cheeks flushed and a helmet askew on his head. “Mom!” he exclaimed, but my attention was still on the screen. “Mom!” he called again, more urgently, “I can ride a bike!” At that moment, I was drawn away from my work.
We had purchased a bright new bicycle for him two years prior for his fifth birthday. It was a larger size, due to Max’s height, and the salesperson had assured us it was a wise choice. However, it turned out to be a mistake. While he was indeed tall, he was also quite cautious. Our attempts to teach him cycling resulted in much anxiety, as I struggled behind him, desperately trying to maintain balance for both him and the bike.
After a few disappointing outings, we lost interest. The rainy autumn morphed into an even rainier winter, and the bike was left to gather dust. During this time, Max welcomed the arrival of his younger siblings. By spring, life had significantly changed; I often found it challenging to even care for myself, let alone devote time to teaching Max how to ride. Consequently, he turned to other activities that didn’t require my involvement.
As children grow, a natural process of letting go occurs. Sometimes it happens gradually, as they reach various milestones marked by age. Other times, significant life changes—like the arrival of twins—accelerate this distancing. I used to be intimately aware of every detail of Max’s day; however, now I was tucking him in at night while struggling to recall fragments of his recent experiences. I was no longer holding onto him as tightly, and he was evolving independently.
One summer, Max began to forge new friendships, which had always been challenging for him. Our neighborhood backed onto a parking lot, and the other children soon began beckoning him to join their play. Initially hesitant, I wondered if he was old enough to navigate that short distance alone. However, other parents reassured me, and eventually, I agreed.
This new group of children quickly became a regular part of his life. Max would come home from school and seek them out whenever he could. They would either gather indoors during inclement weather or race each other on the unbroken stretch of sidewalk outside, swapping bikes of various shapes, sizes, and types. Some bikes were equipped with training wheels, while others, known as balance bikes, had none and allowed children to learn balance independently.
This dynamic serves as an apt metaphor for parenting. One approach involves allowing children to find their balance as they navigate the complexities of growing up, while the other offers support that feels safer but may ultimately hinder their ability to stand independently. I recall how I used to “encourage” Max to walk when he was just 13 months old, dragging him around the room while he protested. Those efforts were more for my satisfaction than his, as I rushed him through his developmental milestones, eager to see him succeed.
Eventually, Max took his first steps, and I witnessed the joy that accompanied each new achievement—potty training, buttoning his first shirt, and reading his first word. I was present for those moments, and they were fulfilling. Yet, the pride reflected in his eyes when he burst through the garden doors recently, eager to showcase his newfound ability to ride a bike independently, was profoundly different. I had unwittingly allowed him to achieve this milestone on his own, and it was a moment filled with joy for him.
In this journey of parenting, we come to realize that while the milestones we share are sweet, those reached independently can be even more rewarding. Observing our children flourish in their own time, on their own terms, highlights the essence of growing up.
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In summary, as parents, we navigate the delicate balance of guiding our children while allowing them the space to grow and learn independently. Each first they achieve on their own becomes a testament to their development and our evolving role in their lives.