The Five Phases of Parenthood and Your Sex Life

Let’s be real: some folks claim their sex lives didn’t skip a beat after having kids, while others insist they got busier in the bedroom post-baby. Honestly, I find that hard to believe. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy some intimacy as much as the next person, but how can anyone’s sex life remain constant or even improve with kids around? Unless you were already on a pretty low-frequency schedule, that is. If that’s the case, I truly feel for you.

But if you didn’t have much action before kids, maybe you’re not as frustrated by the drop in intimacy that comes with parenting. Perhaps the secret is to set the bar low from the start so you always feel like you’re winning (in that department, at least). Anyway, let’s dive into the heart of the matter: having kids often takes a toll on your sex life.

Now, I’m no expert in relationships or intimacy, but I’ve noticed five distinct phases that couples typically experience when it comes to their sex lives:

1. Dating

Ah, the excitement of this phase! Remember the thrill of seeing each other? You could hardly keep your hands off one another. I spent the first six months of my relationship with my partner, Jake, looking like I just rolled out of bed—literally! Think JBF hair: “Just Been…”

2. Living Together

This phase kicks off with a lot of excitement. Every date leading up to moving in together ends with a romantic evening, so you naturally expect to be intimate every day. Hah! Spoiler alert: that expectation quickly crashes.

3. The Pulling of the Goalie

Also known as the “we’re trying” phase, this is a magical time. The moment you ditch the birth control, it feels like you’ve returned to the dating days. It’s fabulous—at least for about a month. After that, as the quest to conceive continues, intimacy can turn into a (sometimes fun) science project.

4. We’re Pregnant!

When you first hear those words, you’re over the moon. But wait for morning sickness to hit! There’s nothing quite like hearing your partner hurl to kill the mood. Luckily, by the second trimester, you might feel better, but many partners find the growing belly a bit intimidating. Apparently, some guys think there’s a risk of “poking the baby” (oh, the ego!).

5. We’re Never Having Sex Again Parents

Welcome to this phase, where intimacy changes forever. You have to schedule it around nap times and bedtime, and when you finally muster up the energy, you’re praying for silence because even a baby’s giggle can be a mood killer.

Sure, there are probably more than five phases in this wild ride of parenthood and intimacy, but Jake and I haven’t hit them all yet. I suspect that once our little one starts school in a couple of years, things might come full circle, and maybe those afternoon delights will return. If I’m wrong, do me a favor and keep that little nugget to yourself.

For more insights on this topic, check out our other posts about the journey of parenthood and how to navigate your sex life after kids. And if you’re curious about artificial insemination, this article from Wikipedia is an excellent resource. Plus, if you’re interested in home insemination kits, check out Cryobaby for some great options.

In summary, the journey of intimacy through parenthood is filled with ups and downs, but it’s all part of the adventure. Just remember to embrace each phase and keep the communication flowing.