One and Done: My Journey as a Parent of an Only Child

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As the mother of a single child, I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked me when I plan to have another baby. My daughter just celebrated her fourth birthday, and I’m constantly reminded that if I wait any longer, the age gap will be too big, or my body will be too old for another pregnancy. If I really want more kids, I should get busy right now.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want any more children.

When I tell people I’m “one and done,” I often get looks of shock, as if I just kicked a puppy. “But don’t you want her to have a sibling?” they say. “Isn’t she lonely?” And of course, there’s the classic: “It’s so much easier with two since they can play together.” I’ve pondered these thoughts myself. Siblings can be amazing—I had a brother who was my hero growing up. We spent hours lost in our imaginations, playing games while our parents enjoyed some much-needed peace. Occasionally, I feel a pang of sadness when I see siblings sharing a bond that my daughter won’t experience. But having another child just to provide her with a sibling isn’t a reason for me to dive back into the baby-making phase when it’s not what I want.

Is that selfish? Maybe a little, but also not at all.

Everyone has their own parenting style, often influenced by their own childhood experiences. My parents both worked, leaving me a latchkey kid who spent a lot of time alone. My brother, being three years older, eventually preferred hanging out with his friends rather than playing with me. So while I had a sibling, he wasn’t there to entertain me, and I often felt lonely in a house full of people.

When my daughter came into the world, I promised myself I would be present in a way I never got to experience. I’m not the type of parent who hovers constantly, but I’ve embraced the unique experience of raising an only child. I’ve made choices that I wouldn’t have if I had more kids, like co-sleeping and breastfeeding until she was three. I dedicate quality time to her every single day.

While my child may not know the closeness of having a sibling, she shares a strong bond with her parents. Some might think that being the sole focus of attention turns only children into spoiled brats, but I’ve seen the opposite in my daughter. She has a confidence and security that comes from knowing she doesn’t have to vie for love or attention. She understands sharing, aware that her friends will eventually go home and everything will revert back to being hers again. This realization makes her more patient and kind than some of her peers with siblings.

Raising just one child has allowed me to integrate her into my life seamlessly. We share so many experiences together; she often accompanies me to my classes, meetings, and social events. This exposure to the adult world has contributed to her advanced verbal skills and overall intellectual growth.

Recently, my daughter asked when I would have a baby to give her a sister. My heart skipped a beat as I explained that it wasn’t going to happen. She looked at me with wide eyes and asked the classic “Why?” I took a breath and replied, “I love our life just the way it is, and I don’t want to change that. Is it okay with you?” After a moment of thought, she hugged me tightly and said, “Yes, Mommy, I’m happy too.”

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Summary:

As a mother to an only child, I’ve faced constant questions about expanding my family. While I recognize the potential benefits of siblings, I’ve chosen to embrace the unique bond I share with my daughter. This decision has allowed us to build a close relationship and has nurtured her independence and confidence. Ultimately, my happiness and contentment with our life together is what truly matters.