The Universal Reality of Motherhood

home insemination Kit

This morning was a classic case of “Mom lost her cool.” I couldn’t help but whisper-scream, “WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE?!” I didn’t plan on it, but as soon as the words escaped my lips, guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. The worst part? My little slice of peace was shattered.

Let’s rewind a bit. Just 15 minutes earlier, the kids were racing around downstairs while the smell of burnt toast lingered in the air. The coffee maker beeped cheerfully, and my partner and I were bumping into each other in the kitchen, desperately trying to locate the half-and-half, coffee mugs, and spoons without causing a scene.

Before chaos ensued, I declared with authority that I was heading to the bathroom. I used my Mom Voice mixed with the I-Just-Woke-Up-Don’t-Mess-With-Me glare to make sure everyone understood I needed some uninterrupted time. Then, I made a beeline for the bathroom, eager for a moment of solitude.

Once I shut the door, I took a long sip of my coffee and let out a deep sigh of relief. Finally, I was alone! The morning madness was just outside the door, but inside my little sanctuary, it was blissfully quiet.

But, of course, this isn’t exactly a civilized household. As I was peeling off my sweaty yoga pants and rummaging for my favorite towel, I couldn’t help but indulge in my coffee like the true mom I am. Just two minutes into my much-needed break, I spotted tiny fingers slipping under the door, accompanied by shrill voices demanding answers.

“Mommy? Are you peeing? … Are you pooooping?” (cue laughter)
“Mom? MOM? … MOOOOMMMMMM! What are you doing in there?!”

Honestly, I just wanted to enjoy a moment of peace while taking care of business. But it hit me that my poor family must have some wild ideas about what I was up to in there, like:

• I’m being kidnapped.
• My secret decoder ring is sending me on a mission.
• A dinosaur is munching on me.
• I’m indulging in all the chocolate without sharing.
• I fell in the toilet.
• My back gave out, and I’m stuck on the floor.
• I forgot where I was.
• I’m plotting epic timeouts for everyone.
• I’m hiding the remote.
• I’m making my escape.
• Santa and the Tooth Fairy are demanding updates.
• I’m on a top-secret call that requires interruptions.
• I’m contacting the Mother Ship.
• My feet are morphing into flippers for a swim.
• I’m secretly inspecting their toothbrushes to see if they really brushed.
• I’m planning revenge on the whole household.
• I’m flushing toy cars down the toilet.
• The shower is now a squirt gun.
• An octopus is teaching me French.
• I’m hiding all the things.

So there I was, trying to enjoy my coffee and a book, daydreaming about washing my hair with some lovely scented shampoo when, bam! The door swung open, and in walked my partner, “Hey, Honey, have you seen my blankety-blank-blank?!” At least, that’s what I heard before two little tornadoes burst through the door.

One wanted a hug and to tug on my hair, while the other had a million questions about why I was sitting down to pee, why I was drinking coffee in the bathroom, and why my hair was up like a bear. That was my moment of clarity: I realized I would never again go to the bathroom alone. I waved my Mommy Flag in surrender, embracing the universal truth that moms just can’t catch a break—especially when it comes to bathroom time.

If you want to read more on related topics, check out our post on home insemination or learn more about the essentials from Make a Mom. For great resources on pregnancy, visit News Medical.

In summary, the chaos of motherhood is an ever-present reality, especially when you can’t even find a moment of peace in the bathroom. Embracing the madness is par for the course, and it’s all part of the beautiful, chaotic journey of being a mom.