7 Truths About Motherhood

So, you’ve just seen those two pink lines. Congrats! Welcome to the world of motherhood. Grab a seat; there are a few things you should know—things that won’t be found in baby manuals or shared by your OB.

Let’s dive in. Here are the truths of motherhood:

Your Bra Size is Now a Range
Forget about a single bra size; it’s now a bra range. Your girls will fluctuate so much that by the time your little one is crawling, you could grab a bra blindfolded, and it’ll fit—at least until lunchtime. Between nursing and the rollercoaster of weight changes, many moms have opted for comfy sports bras that can double as pajamas.
Sick Kids Don’t Show Up at the Doctor’s Office
You’d never know from his cheerful giggles that little Max was up all night hacking away. The same kid happily singing the Wonder Pets theme song in the doctor’s office was just coughing like he’s been smoking for decades. Mom was ecstatic to score an emergency appointment, only to stand before a doctor who thinks she’s a bit dramatic, making a note in Max’s file: “FYI: Overreactive Mom.” Max will be just fine… until bedtime rolls around.
Don’t Brag About Your Parenting Wins
Seriously, keep quiet about your parenting successes. “Sophie is finally sleeping through the night!” “I can’t believe Leo is actually potty trained!” Kids have a knack for undoing any progress you boast about. Trust me, they’re like little ninjas that can sense when you’re feeling smug. One moment you’re celebrating, and the next, it’s back to diapers in public, with no change of clothes in sight.
An Easy First Child is a Trap
If your first kid is a breeze, it’s not due to your exceptional parenting—nature is just playing a trick on you to encourage a second child. Imagine the heavenly discussion:
“Angel #1: The Parkers are ready for a baby. Who’s available?”
“Angel #2: How about Charlie? He’s a handful but has a sweet side.”
“Angel #1: Perfect! Send him after Noah, who’s compliant.”
So, if you’ve got an easy first child, don’t be too quick to write that parenting guide until you have a more “spirited” second one.
Fancy Meals Are Kids’ Worst Nightmare
The more effort you pour into a meal, the more likely your kids will turn their noses up at it. Spend all day making a gourmet chicken soup or a homemade lasagna, and just watch as it ends up on the floor. Ever heard of deconstructed meals? Toddlers love it when you simplify everything down to its basic components. One day, mathematicians will figure out the exact ratio of effort to tantrums at dinner time.
Getting Rid of Baby Gear Will Make You Pregnant
Want to get pregnant? Start selling, tossing, or donating your baby gear. It doesn’t matter if you’re on birth control; once that $100 playpen is gone, you’ll find yourself expecting before you can even blink. Apparently, baby gear creates a force field around your uterus, and once it’s gone, the protective barrier weakens. So, good luck re-buying everything you just cleared out!
Pinterest is the Ultimate Mom Enemy
We might disagree on many things, but one universal truth is that Pinterest is a source of stress for moms everywhere. From intricate sensory tables to ridiculously detailed birthday cakes, Pinterest sends a message: You’re not doing enough. It seduces you with beautiful images and then leaves you feeling inadequate when you can’t replicate them. We might just need to set it ablaze.

And there you have it—the truths of motherhood! Happy birthing (LOL), and welcome to the club. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this resource from Cleveland Clinic.

In summary, motherhood is a wild ride filled with surprises, challenges, and the occasional moment of triumph. Remember to embrace the chaos and find humor in the process!

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