Hey there! Let’s chat about something we all struggle with at times: the fear of failing. Whether it’s hesitating to strike up a conversation with someone new or passing on that dream job because you think you might not land it, fear can really hold us back. But what if we flipped the script on what “success” means?
Not long ago, I was catching up with a buddy, let’s call him Mike, about the ups and downs of being single and trying to connect with potential partners. He shared how he often feels pressure when he goes out. “Honestly,” Mike said, “I enjoy nights out less when I’m single because I only feel like I’ve had a good time if I hit it off with someone. That makes ‘having a good night’ feel like it’s out of my hands, unlike when I’m just hanging with friends and having a laugh.”
Later, I spoke with another friend, whom we’ll refer to as Ben. When I shared Mike’s thoughts, Ben surprised me by saying he didn’t relate at all. He actually loves going out and chatting with girls, regardless of their responses. For him, the excitement of approaching someone new is what makes it enjoyable, no matter the outcome.
This got me thinking about how differently Mike and Ben define “success.” For Mike, it’s all about the reaction from the girl: whether she seems interested, gives her number, or leaves with him. On the other hand, Ben measures success by his actions—simply having the courage to start a conversation. Because Ben focuses on what he can control, he tends to have a more fun time and likely talks to more people.
If we want to progress in life, we have to confront things we fear failing at. Approaching someone you’re attracted to is just one example of this broader challenge. A helpful way to tackle that fear might be redefining success as something within our control rather than something that depends on others.
Redefining Success
Let’s take a step back and consider the root of the issue. To master any new skill—whether it’s flirting, public speaking, or playing an instrument—you often go through a phase where you’re just not that great. This can make it tough to keep pushing yourself. Research in psychology suggests that one of the biggest motivators is self-efficacy, or the belief that you can succeed. If you doubt your ability to succeed, it’s hard to get motivated. One way to boost self-efficacy is by setting goals that are within your control. For example, Ben’s goal of “just talk to girls” is way more motivating than Mike’s goal of “get a girl’s number” because Ben feels confident that he can do it.
Setting smaller, achievable goals can also help create a success spiral. Ever had one of those days where you feel like you’re checking off tasks left and right? The more you accomplish, the more confidence you build for the next task, creating a positive feedback loop that can significantly increase your motivation.
Embracing New Experiences
So, the next time you find fear of failure holding you back, pause and ask yourself: How am I defining success? By rewarding yourself for the actions you take rather than the outcomes, you might just find it easier to embrace new experiences.
For more on this topic, check out our post on home insemination strategies, or explore resources like NHS’s guide on intrauterine insemination for a deeper dive into pregnancy options. Also, if you’re interested in at-home insemination kits, Cryobaby is a great authority to check out.
In summary, by shifting our focus from external validation to the actions we can control, we can boost our confidence and tackle the fears that hold us back. Embracing this mindset can lead to more fulfilling experiences in dating and beyond.