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In Defense of Helicopter Parenting
So, I’m going to come clean: I’m a helicopter parent. It’s not exactly my dream role, but it feels like I don’t have much choice in the matter. I often wish I could be a more laid-back parent like my mom was back in West Virginia. She was the type to strum her guitar with friends while I roamed free, exploring creeks and biking along the railroad tracks. She wasn’t overly worried about my grades or extracurriculars, which is a far cry from the parenting style I find myself adopting now.
These days, when my kids are in school, I can already see myself obsessively using flashcards, timing their violin practices, and even trying to convince the principal to assign them to the “best” fourth-grade teacher. Society seems to put a lot of pressure on parents—especially mothers—to be relaxed and hands-off. Articles often scold us for being “controlling” (a term that feels particularly gendered), suggesting that we should just let our kids be free. But honestly, in this economic climate, trying to exert a little control seems like a rational response.
Recent research by economists at Northwestern University and the University of Zurich sheds light on why helicopter parenting has surged. They found that rising income inequality over the last four decades, coupled with the growing importance of education, has made this kind of parenting a logical choice. As they put it, parents are doubling down on their efforts to secure their children’s success because a lack of education now threatens their future stability.
I recently chatted with a mom, Sarah, who had spent a year in Sweden. I couldn’t help but ask if it was true that they have free drop-in daycare, where parents can leave their kids for a couple of hours just to take a breather. She confirmed it’s nearly free, with parents only paying a small percentage of their income. There are health centers everywhere for vaccinations and other medical needs, so parents don’t have to worry about costly doctor visits. College is free too!
What struck Sarah the most was how relaxed Swedish mothers seem to be. She said there’s none of the anxiety or rushing around that we often see among American parents. Yeah, I get that anxiety. I’m not a helicopter parent because I want to be controlling; it’s just that there’s so little room for failure these days. If my kids don’t get into a good college—or worse, if they start and don’t finish—they’re left with a mountain of debt and grim job prospects.
For my generation, especially those of us who started having kids during the recession, the financial instability is very real. We all know someone who has struggled to bounce back after job losses, or who has seen their savings wiped out. My main goal as a mom is to help my kids secure a stable future, and that means they need to excel academically and probably attend graduate school. It’s a tough road, and I plan to be the helicopter mom who pushes them toward the best opportunities—monitoring homework, hiring tutors if we can, and filling their schedules with useful extracurriculars.
People love to label women as uptight or controlling, even when we are just responding to real, pressing challenges. It’s high time we acknowledge the structural economic inequalities that exist and understand that a parent’s drive to help their child succeed—whether by drilling math problems or ensuring they practice their piano—is totally reasonable. As the researchers noted, if inequality keeps rising, we can expect to see even more parents becoming increasingly involved in their children’s education.
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In summary, while the label of “helicopter parent” might carry a negative connotation, it’s often a response to the challenging economic landscape we live in. As parents, especially moms, we’re just trying to secure a better future for our kids in a world that feels increasingly unstable.