Shed the Baby Weight in 12 Simple Steps

Hey there, new mom! If you’re anything like me, you might have picked up a parenting magazine and noticed those flawless abs of celebrities like Bella Carter or Mia Thompson, who claim all it took was a little nursing and a stroll with the baby to get back into shape. After you’re done rolling your eyes and indulging in a snack (because, why not?), it’s time to think about how to reclaim your pre-baby body. Spoiler alert: it might be tougher than childbirth, but don’t sweat it! Follow these 12 easy steps, and you’ll be turning heads in no time at your kid’s playgroup.

Step 1:

Gain a lot of weight. I mean, how else can you brag about losing 75 lbs if you don’t start off at 75 lbs heavier?

Step 2:

Join a gym. Sure, you might be too exhausted to attend regularly, but hey, that walk to sign up burns a few calories!

Step 3:

Ditch the junk food. It’s time to say goodbye to the “pregnancy cravings” that made you eat cream cheese on everything. Seriously, just no.

Step 4:

Breastfeed. Those cream cheese calories will magically disappear as your little one feeds.

Step 5:

Forget about a regular schedule. If you’re surviving on two hours of sleep, good luck finding your fridge!

Step 6:

Try the “Arm’s Reach” Diet. When your baby falls asleep on you, you’ll only be able to eat snacks within arm’s reach. Yesterday it was couch candy; today it could be dust bunnies. It all counts, right?

Step 7:

Wait until after the baby arrives to assemble furniture. Trust me, trying to build a crib will give you a workout like no other.

Step 8:

Don’t buy clothes that fit. Muffin-topping your old jeans might not be ideal, but it’s great motivation to lose that extra weight!

Step 9:

Wear a rubber band on your wrist. When you feel the urge to snack, stretch it over your head instead. A little pain might save you from munching.

Step 10:

Hang out with fit friends. Their marathon training will inspire you to get off the couch—even if it’s just to grab a celebratory drink afterward.

Step 11:

Surround yourself with sickly people. When you’re too unwell to eat, those pounds might just fall off!

And if all else fails…

Step 12:

Have another baby! You won’t lose the baby weight, but you’ll get to enjoy those cream cheese eggs and stretchy pants again.

For more on navigating motherhood and baby weight, check out this article and learn from the experts at Make a Mom. Plus, if you’re looking for additional pregnancy resources, UCSF’s Center is a fantastic place to start!

To wrap it up, it’s totally possible to lose that baby weight with a bit of humor and determination. Just remember to be kind to yourself through the journey!