Having The Talk About Sex with a Teen Boy

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Let’s be real: most parents totally dread the day they have to talk about sex with their teens. I never got that conversation from my mom. I’m not sure if she thought I was too innocent or just didn’t realize I had boyfriends. My first trip to the gynecologist was a total disaster—I was already eight weeks pregnant. Nothing like the embarrassment of your first Pap smear at 20, already knocked up. I was a mess the whole time.

It would’ve been easy to blame my parents for my situation. My mom never mentioned birth control, and like every other teenager, I thought it wouldn’t happen to me. I was smart, I knew where babies came from, but I still took the risk. Fast forward nine months, and I had a baby with a guy I barely knew. Surprisingly, having that baby turned out to be the best decision I ever made, but it was a tough road for a while.

Now, 16 years later, that baby has grown into a tall, smart, and funny guy. Recently, he started dating a girl he’s known since middle school, and I couldn’t be happier for them—they’re adorable together. But then I walked into the family room and found them all cuddled up on the couch. Cue the panic.

I decided to be diplomatic at first, clomping around to give them a chance to separate. But, to my dismay, they didn’t budge. I snapped my fingers and exclaimed “Inappropriate!” but as soon as I left the room, they were back at it. We’ve had the sex talk before, but I felt like we hadn’t fully prepared him for what might come next.

We’ve always been open with our son. He knows he can talk to us about anything without fear of judgment. Whether it’s about being gay or struggling with substance abuse, we’ve made it clear that he can share anything—no pressure to go to college either, as long as he’s pursuing something he loves. And yes, he knows about using protection when it comes to sex.

It’s been easy to approach these discussions with humor. He’s had sex education at school, so he knows the basics, but I know from experience that knowledge doesn’t always translate to action. My husband and I mulled over why people sometimes skip the common sense stuff. It’s not just about being caught up in the moment; it’s also about not feeling ready.

Now that I’m in my thirties, it’s easy for me to casually say, “Just wear a condom.” But that doesn’t prepare him for the actual moment of decision. We don’t send soldiers into battle without training—why should this be any different?

So, we sat him down for a very awkward chat about what we stumbled upon the night before. I set the ground rules: no dumb comments from him, just listen. I told him, while their behavior was pretty typical for teens, it was also disrespectful, especially since I was right there watching TV. I mean, I diapered him as a baby; I shouldn’t have to see him all lovey-dovey now!

Then we got real about what comes next. He and his girlfriend had agreed to keep things simple for now, but eventually, they might find themselves in a more intimate situation. Responsible parents take their daughters to get birth control, but how do we equip our sons? I told him to go to the store, buy some condoms, and figure out how they work. And if he needed help, dad was there for him. He also had to let us know he completed this little mission.

At first, the look of sheer terror on his face was priceless when I suggested he buy condoms. I even mentioned masturbation, which made it even more awkward. I told him, “Girls go to the gynecologist and have all these invasive exams, while you just need to spend a few minutes in your bathroom figuring this out.” He finally got that his task was, in fact, pretty easy in comparison.

A few days later, he told me he had bought the condoms, and I couldn’t help but ask if he had tried them out, which was just as uncomfortable for me to ask as it was for him to hear. But the follow-through was super important to me, so we powered through that awkwardness. He just nodded, and I left it at that.

I don’t stress anymore about when he’ll have sex for the first time. As a mom who believes that pre-marital sex is a natural part of life, I did my best to prepare him for that moment. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the NICHD.

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Summary

Navigating the conversation about sex with teenage boys can be daunting for parents. It’s essential to foster an open and honest dialogue while ensuring they feel prepared for real-life situations. Humor can help ease the tension, but it’s crucial to make sure they understand the importance of safe practices. With proper guidance, parents can equip their sons to make responsible choices.