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The Ever-Changing Bedtime Routine
“I think I want to try putting myself to bed tonight,” my daughter announced during our morning drive to school.
“What do you mean?” I asked, surprised. Since the day she was born, our bedtime routine had been pretty much the same: change into pajamas, snuggle into bed, sing our special songs, turn on the sound machine, switch off the lights, and close the door.
Of course, things have evolved over the years. Diapers transitioned to pull-ups, then to underwear, and now she can go to the bathroom all by herself. She no longer needs help picking out or putting on her pajamas. Her gummy smile eventually gave way to teeth that need brushing—first by us and then she took on the task herself.
Yet, some things have remained unchanged: the pajamas, the special song, the sound machine, lights out, and door closed.
“I want to do it by myself,” she insisted. “I don’t think Daddy needs to sing ‘Ah-Nay-Nu-Nu’ to me anymore.”
A lump formed in my throat at her words. That special song was something her dad sang every night, a cherished tradition passed down from his mother. My song was one I created as a new mom, soothing my crying baby girl in my arms on the night she was born. It worked then, and it still does.
“I’m six now,” she added. “I’m a big kid, so I can do it myself.”
The lump moved from my throat to my stomach, where it felt like a heavy rock, but somehow, I managed to respond. “Okay, honey.”
How is this happening? How can she be ready for bedtime independence when she still refers to her special song as a verb? Tears welled in my eyes, and I wanted to shout, “Just one more time! Please give us one more time to sing to you.”
It reminded me of those moments when you wish you had known that last kiss or embrace was the final one. You could have savored it, tucked it away in your heart for safekeeping.
But I knew I couldn’t put my feelings first. I couldn’t hold her back just when she was ready to take her first steps alone. It’s a moment I had been anticipating, something I even thought I wanted—the growing up, the changes, the independence. I had hoped for this, believing it would make life easier. But now, it feels too soon. My heart aches with the realization that everything is changing too quickly.
Her front tooth is wiggly, and that sweet, bright smile I’ve known forever is about to transform. She faced her first heartbreak this week when a friend made an innocent comment that brought her to tears. It hurt me to see her hurt. Growing pains indeed.
And now, this. Wiggly teeth and a fragile heart make me want to hold her tighter, just as she’s ready for us to loosen our grip.
I can sense an ending. She is telling me so.
But maybe one day, she’ll hum those special songs as she tucks herself in and drifts off to sleep. Lights off. Door closed.
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Summary
This reflective piece captures a parent’s bittersweet feelings as their child transitions from a dependent toddler to an independent big kid ready to tackle bedtime alone. It highlights the emotions tied to growing up, changes in routines, and the challenges of letting go, while also recognizing the importance of special traditions that might not be lost forever.