An Easy and Straightforward Approach to Combat Bullying

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I encountered bullying in ways I had never imagined. It was relentless—mocking my hair, my clothes, even the way I moved. They ridiculed every emotion I expressed, screamed in my face, and I felt utterly powerless. While my parents aren’t perfect, I wasn’t raised in an environment where people just attacked each other. One of the bullies had a problem with wetting her pants, and I could’ve easily turned the tables by saying, “At least I don’t wet my pants,” but I simply didn’t know how to handle it back then. It still baffles me how someone with such a problem could be seen as popular.

Eventually, I distanced myself from those friends and found solace with the nerdy crowd—it was a huge relief. For about six months, I enjoyed a break from cruelty until my parents bought a summer house. The community there was full of mean people: unkind parents, nasty kids, and their equally rude relatives. I couldn’t stand them, and even as an adult, it brings me a bit of joy to hear about their misfortunes.

Once I was old enough, I stopped going there, and for three years, I managed to escape the meanness. However, during my junior year of high school, a group of boys decided to target me. Those six months were the worst of my life—I woke up in fear and came home feeling ashamed. The bullying only ceased when I caught mono and had to stay home for six weeks.

Returning to school, I became a different person. If someone insulted me, I retaliated with something even harsher. I would do anything to defend myself, telling one bully how short and unattractive he was and another how stupid he was. It felt empowering, yet I realized that my only knowledge of dealing with bullies was either avoiding them or hitting back.

As we grow older, we encounter mean people we can’t simply avoid—neighbors, in-laws, or even exes we share kids with. Learning how to manage these situations without losing our sanity is crucial. The only strategy that has consistently worked for me is to say, “Do not speak to me like that.”

This needs to be delivered plainly, without emotion. The bullies thrive on your pain, so showing hurt only gives them power. By stating, “Do not speak to me like that,” you’re setting a boundary. You’re not asking for their approval or expressing how much they upset you; you’re defining the rules of engagement. Mean people often rely on the fact that you let them dictate the terms, thinking it’s acceptable to belittle others. Every time you allow a bully to be cruel, that rule is reinforced. It’s tough, but you need to assert a new rule.

This phrase has never let me down. For particularly challenging encounters, a hint of dismissiveness can be effective, but keep your emotions in check. You’re constructing a barrier of strength, not one made of tears.

Recently, the father of the meanest girl I ever met got into legal trouble, and I couldn’t help but reflect on her upbringing. It made me wonder how she developed such cruelty, raised by someone dishonest and deceitful. I felt a bit of satisfaction—maybe not the most mature reaction, but I own it.

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In summary, standing up to bullies is about setting boundaries and not giving in to their emotional games. You can build a strong defense by clearly stating your limits without showing vulnerability.