The Four-Letter Lessons I’m Teaching My Son

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Let me tell you about a guy named Jake. I always felt like he had a crush on me back in the day. It was during my college junior year in 1991, and I was living with a bunch of rowers in a former sorority house. After our season ended, we threw a massive party that involved a lot of drinking—way too much for me, especially my favorite Purple Passion.

I remember leaning against the door with Jake’s arm around me while my teammate, Liz, told him to make sure I got to my room safely. I woke up the next morning with a horrible headache, but there was Jake, ensuring I was okay and ready to face the day.

Then there was Tom, a friend of my roommate. He seemed friendly enough when I met him at a party. But during a visit to his fraternity house, things turned dark quickly. He led me into a secluded room and tried to unbutton my shirt. I fought back, managed to push him off, and bolted out of there, heart racing.

Another encounter was with Matt, a senior backup quarterback who seemed charming at first when he offered me a ride home. I invited him in, thinking it would be just a friendly chat, but he left when he realized I wasn’t interested in anything more.

And then there was a guy I’ll call Sam. He was involved with a friend of mine and called me over, claiming he needed advice. Before I knew it, he was offering me a backrub and taking advantage of the situation. I yelled for him to stop, but he didn’t listen.

Now, as a parent, I’ve got a little boy, and the most important four-letter word I’m teaching him is “STOP.” If we’re play-fighting and he says stop, I immediately back off. He knows his boundaries are respected, and he understands that no one should touch him inappropriately.

I’ve told him that his body is his own, and he must respect others’ bodies too. I believe this, along with lessons on kindness and respect, will help him grow into a man who would never cross anyone’s comfort zone. I refuse to raise another Sam; I want to raise a Jake.

As a mother, I feel it’s my duty to instill values that define what it means to be a good man. Thankfully, my husband is a fantastic role model for him. The “Boys Will Be Boys” mentality? Not for us. Boys can be taught to be kind, loving, and helpful. If we set higher expectations, they’ll live up to them.

I’m teaching my son respect for himself and others from the very beginning. It doesn’t matter what a person looks like or their background; every individual deserves respect. He’s not entitled to anything. I’ll teach him patience and kindness, hoping that these lessons will stick with him for life.

The issue with “boys will be boys” is that it excuses unacceptable behavior. We all need to be accountable for our actions. Accepting that boys can get away with certain things because it’s “just how it is” isn’t right.

I have more four-letter words I want my son to learn that are just as vital as “STOP”:

• Boys should be Kind.
• Boys can show Love.
• Boys can inspire Hope.
• Boys can Help.

And if he happens to pick up any other four-letter words along the way, they won’t hold a candle to these foundational lessons.

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In summary, teaching our children about respect, consent, and kindness is imperative. It’s our responsibility as parents to guide them in becoming compassionate individuals, breaking the cycle of harmful behaviors and attitudes.