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The Family Bed: A Cozy Chaos
Ah, the family bed. Ever heard of it? It’s that cozy little arrangement where your kids join you in bed, creating a snuggly, chaotic sleeping environment. Picture this: limbs tangled together, soft breaths, and the comforting closeness that supposedly mimics the womb. Sounds sweet, right? Well, I’m not a fan.
Last night was a classic example. I allowed my son to crash in my bed, and it confirmed what I already knew: co-sleeping just isn’t for me. I have never been keen on sharing my space. Even when my partner stays over, he has a designated side of the bed. If he dares to cross that invisible boundary, there are consequences—usually involving a lot of scowling or, you know, withholding affection.
And let me tell you, kids are like little pointy objects. Elbows, knees, and even their little feet seem to have a mind of their own, especially while they’re asleep. I felt like I needed shin guards and a helmet to defend myself from the relentless kicks and flails.
Then, at some ungodly hour, I was jolted awake by a sound that could only be described as nails on a chalkboard. My son was grinding his teeth in his sleep. Who knew such tiny teeth could be so loud? Shortly after that, the snoring began—loud, obnoxious, and reminiscent of an old man’s snores.
I’ve had my oldest daughter sleep over as well, and it’s a shock how much space they can occupy. She unfolds like some kind of origami creation, sprawling across the bed. My son may be smaller, but he somehow takes up even more room than my boyfriend. It’s baffling!
And let’s not forget Funky Chicken, my son’s beloved stuffed animal, who spent the night “watching” me with those big, unblinking eyes. I’m pretty sure he was plotting something. At 4 AM, I was kicked awake as my son decided to sleep sideways—across my body. I can only suspect Funky Chicken was behind this scheme, perhaps seeking revenge for a recent washing.
Oh, and there was “the accident.” But let’s keep that a secret from my partner; he has no idea it happened on his side of the bed. Let’s just say the sheets needed an immediate overhaul.
I understand there are parents who adore this experience of co-sleeping. I can totally see the love radiating when you gaze at those tiny, peaceful faces. I get it—having them close can feel protective and comforting, and kids do tend to sleep better next to their parents. It’s all very sweet.
But there’s one crucial thing about the family bed that I just can’t wrap my head around: sleep—my precious sleep.
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In summary, while the family bed may work wonders for some, I find it a chaotic space that lacks the one thing I cherish the most: a good night’s sleep.