Are Beyoncé and I Raising an Anti-Feminist Son?

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Are Beyoncé and I Raising an Anti-Feminist Son?

by Jamie Lynn

Updated: Dec. 1, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 21, 2015

Recently, my son pointed out that if a song had the same lyrics but was about boys, everyone would call it sexist. My response? “You’re absolutely right.” And thus starts our debate. He struggles to understand why songs celebrating girl power are acceptable. In fact, I think he’s grappling with the concept of girl power itself. Somehow, he’s genuinely offended.

This is a kid who has participated in protests at the state Capitol and frequently engages in discussions about women’s rights with me. He even spent a few detentions this past school year for voicing his opinions on significant issues when it wasn’t the right moment. He stayed up late with me to watch politicians like Wendy Davis and Leticia van de Putte take down hypocritical lawmakers. Yet, he feels that girl power is a bunch of nonsense. It frustrates him. He believes it’s unjust, and he doesn’t grasp the importance of Title IX at all. I know he’s only 12, but it makes me worry that I’m about to lose my “Progressive Parent Card” for good.

I’ve attempted to explain concepts like glass ceilings, fighting against second-class status, and various feminist perspectives, but he is just not. buying. what. I’m. selling. He sees his friends attending girls-only schools and feels left out of girls-only book clubs. He had a massive misunderstanding with his school about lacrosse, believing only girls had a team, which turned out to be false but left him furious for weeks. He perceives that girls are getting preferential treatment while boys are left to fend for themselves. I’ve tried to clarify that everyone is facing their own struggles, and although things are changing, it’s still largely a man’s world. It’s perfectly fine for women to rise up against this to earn an equal chance at success.

I’ve tried to convey that it’s not that girls are given a fair chance (because they often aren’t), but rather that they receive a different kind of opportunity. Often, this disparity is unintentional and ingrained in society. Creating safe spaces for girls isn’t unfair or anti-boy; it’s about empowering them so they can better navigate challenges when they arise. It’s about leveling the playing field.

He doesn’t see it that way, though. As a white, middle-class boy, he feels undervalued when he hears me and his sister belting out Beyoncé lyrics in the car.

This leads me to wonder if he feels this way because he’s been taught that boys and girls are equal. Does he not grasp girl power because, in his view, both genders enjoy equal rights and opportunities? When I present my arguments, am I inadvertently instilling the idea that women are second-class citizens?

I definitely don’t want him to believe that women are inferior, and that’s the reason artists like Beyoncé, Sara Bareilles, and Katy Perry create their empowering songs. (And don’t even get me started on the confusing chats I have with my 8-year-old daughter about these lyrics and society’s beauty standards—ugh.) But I also realize that if my son simply accepts the status quo, he’ll remain oblivious to the social norms that shape so much of women’s experiences. It’s a tricky situation, and I’m left feeling like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place.

What’s a mom to do? I certainly don’t want to raise a mini version of Alex P. Keaton, completely disregarding the progress achieved by the feminist movement. I don’t want to diminish the frustrating reality of ongoing anti-woman sentiments that seem to be increasing every day. Most importantly, I wish for my son to grow into a man who understands that he can help change the narrative rather than resenting women for perceived advantages. I want him to recognize that he’s part of a generation capable of creating real change, but that won’t happen if he harbors resentment toward Beyoncé and girls-only clubs.

I openly acknowledge that life isn’t fair for anyone. But how can I help him see that this unfairness isn’t equal? It’s tough out here for a mom, and even tougher for kids—especially mine. Sigh.

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Summary

Balancing the conversation about gender equality with my son has proven to be a challenge. Despite his exposure to women’s rights discussions, he feels frustrated by the concept of girl power, perceiving it as unfair. I struggle to explain that acknowledging women’s struggles doesn’t undermine his experiences as a boy. It’s a complex dialogue, but I hope to guide him toward a more nuanced understanding.