Hugging My Son With ADHD Feels Like Embracing a Butterfly

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Yesterday afternoon, my 9-year-old son, Liam, wrapped his slender arms around me in a heartfelt hug. It was one of those rare moments when he leaned in, resting his head against my chest, and I could feel the stillness wash over us. It reminded me of hugging a butterfly. You know how they flit about, barely landing before they take off again, their wings always ready to dance away? That’s my son in a nutshell—constantly buzzing with energy.

Liam is always on the move. His words spill out in a whirlwind, and he can’t seem to stay still for long—shifting from foot to foot, bouncing on his toes, or darting around the room. When he sits at his computer, his focus flickers in and out, interrupted by bursts of energy as he runs to the window or back to his chair. His hugs are quick, almost like a cat that’s had enough of being held. I cherish them, even if they are few and far between.

As he navigates fourth grade, it feels like an unending cycle. Every year, the same notes appear in his planner: Liam struggles to follow directions. He’s disruptive. He won’t stay seated. Each comment feels like a weight on my heart. This brilliant boy, who once asked me for ammonium dichromate to create an erupting volcano, is now labeled “that kid” at school—the one who can’t sit still, can’t focus, and is often overlooked. It’s disheartening, to say the least.

I can’t help but feel the weight of sadness—no, that’s not quite right; it’s deeper than that. It’s gut-wrenching to watch my child, both at home and school, face more “nos” than “yeses.” I yearn for his teachers to see the wonderful child we know—the one who shines during quiet moments, filled with kindness and creativity. I want them to understand that he’s more than his behavior. At a recent parent-teacher meeting, we were even told he might be on the autism spectrum. After extensive testing, we learned he has attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Initially, I felt a wave of disappointment. I had always thought ADHD was just a label for kids who couldn’t behave—a way to excuse their energy. I feared that medication would turn him into some sort of zombie. “We’re not going down that road,” I insisted to his therapist. So we tried everything else—different strategies, dietary changes, and positive reinforcement. But nothing seemed to stick.

Then came the day we finally considered medication. After discussions with his therapist, pediatrician, and teacher, we decided to give it a shot. I was nervous but hopeful, insisting on starting with a very low dose. When Liam took his first dose, I watched him closely, ready to pull the plug if anything felt off.

That afternoon was a revelation. Instead of his usual bouncing off the walls, he walked straight to the car, grinning. Homework was done in record time, and he didn’t pick on his siblings like he usually did. For the first time in ages, he seemed genuinely relaxed, and that hug—oh, that hug—was comforting in a way I hadn’t experienced before. “I feel so much better, Mom,” he said, and I couldn’t help but wonder why we hadn’t done this sooner.

It turns out medication can help calm the chaos in his mind and body, allowing him to be himself. I stumbled upon a paper he wrote that showed just how scattered his thoughts were, jumping from brains to dinosaurs to questions about salt. Now, he can focus on one thing at a time. And every morning, he heads to school with a renewed sense of hope.

In those hugs, I see a transformation. I look into his calm blue eyes, and for once, he stays put long enough for me to truly feel his warmth. That alone is validation enough.

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In summary, navigating life with a child who has ADHD can feel overwhelming, but with the right support and understanding, it’s possible to find balance and joy. The journey may be challenging, but those small moments of connection—like a heartfelt hug—make it all worthwhile.