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Yes, I Have Quite a Few Little Ones… Want to Join the Fun?
Updated: Aug. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 14, 2023
Hey there, friends and curious onlookers!
I can tell your eyebrows are raising at the sight of my little crew. (Especially the one who’s sporting just mittens and a pair of shorts!) Sure, there are three of them, which might seem like a lot to handle, but hey, I get it—some folks might find it a tad chaotic, maybe even a bit reckless from the outside. So, let me hit pause on this toddler tornado and address those burning questions floating around about my wonderfully large family.
First off, no, I have no clue how babies are made! Birth control? Not a clue there either. Do I really have to take it every single day? Can I just mix it into a smoothie and hope for the best? I’d love to hear your insights on this—don’t hold back! Oh, and if you could throw in a little political advice too, that would be awesome. A diagram of my anatomy would be a bonus—I need all the help I can get figuring out where these tiny humans keep coming from!
Oh, you think I should have one less child? Perfect timing! Here, take the middle one off my hands.
Yes, my hands are very full—like, overflowing! I’m convinced it’s because I have tiny carnie hands. But judging by how relaxed yours seem, it feels like you’re offering to help out! If you’re interested, why not finish my grocery shopping and then swing by around 7 PM to babysit while I enjoy a date night with my husband? You can even share some tips on how to avoid having more kids after the evening.
I can only imagine what you’re thinking: “That mom could really use some parenting advice!” Thanks for the suggestion to hand my crying baby a pretzel or maybe my car keys! I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that.
While I have your attention, could you also step in and discipline my kids? Clearly, I’m outnumbered here, and in this high-stress moment, I could really use some sage wisdom from your 1970s parenting experience. And please, could you explain to my two-year-old that her emotional outbursts are a bit inconvenient for strangers? Because, you know, nobody enjoys a crying child.
Are we done having kids yet? I’ll let you make that call!
As for sending them all to college? Oh, I’ll just pack them in a van! Just a little humor to lighten the mood while we chat about my financial situation. But really, I did bring my bank statements along for good measure.
Who are these Duggars you’re mentioning? I’d love to know more about them.
Curious about how I manage it all? Here’s a hint: it involves a secret dungeon and maybe a third nipple.
I’m really glad we had this little chat. I hope you’re feeling more at ease around me and my lively family. At the end of the day, a mom’s happiness is only as good as the mood of the saddest stranger in line with her at the Post Office.
For more on pregnancy and home insemination, you can check out this great resource from Healthline. And if you’re looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom has some fantastic supplements to consider. Don’t forget to explore our post on intracervical insemination here for more insights!
Summary:
In this light-hearted piece, Jamie Malone humorously addresses the challenges and misconceptions surrounding her large family while engaging with the curious onlookers. She invites discussions on parenting, offers a playful take on her chaotic life, and encourages readers to explore resources related to pregnancy and fertility.