The truth is not only “out there” but also deep within us, and here’s mine: I welcomed Fox Mulder into my heart back in 1992, and I can’t seem to shake him loose.
Mulder Resides in My Heart
It hit me during a fantastic first date, when, after a couple of glasses of wine, I found myself revealing a rather unexpected thought: “Fox Mulder is my animus.” My date shot me a look that suggested I was a bit of a conspiracy nut, but I knew I had to explore this notion further. The X-Files may have wrapped up long ago, but the impact of Mulder’s character remains. For those unfamiliar, Jung described the animus as the inner “other” that represents the masculine aspect of a woman’s psyche—the one we desire and aspire to become.
Of course, I’m just one of many fans in his vast following, but that hasn’t stopped me from dreaming about those long, intimate conversations with Mulder on his couch (since he didn’t even have a bed until season six!). I would adore him, quirks and all, and save him from the shadowy figure known as The Smoking Man.
A recent binge-watch of The X-Files confirmed that my love for Mulder hasn’t waned in over two decades. Whether he’s in his early, mid, or later years, Mulder still makes me swoon. I can’t help but feel a mix of jealousy and happiness for Scully—thank you, Netflix, for that walk down memory lane.
Perfect in Every Way
To dig deeper into my feelings for Mulder versus his real-life counterpart, I picked up David Duchovny’s novel, Holy Cow. It follows a talking cow named Elsie Bovary who escapes to India to save herself, accompanied by a pig seeking refuge in Israel and a turkey with an iPhone who believes he must emigrate to Turkey to avoid a dark Thanksgiving fate. It’s a hilarious yet poignant allegory about intolerance and the loss of innocence, complete with Duchovny’s trademark wordplay. What more could a nice Jewish vegetarian girl want?
And then there’s Hank Moody, Duchovny’s more infamous role. I found him charming and deeply flawed in a way that makes him irresistibly attractive, and I was ready to save him from the start despite my inner feminist protests. But Mulder? He’s always been my true love.
Meeting David Duchovny
A few years back, I had a real-life encounter with the man who embodies both Mulder and Moody, and I turned into a nervous wreck. I generally adhere to the unspoken rule that New Yorkers treat celebrities as regular folks, but when I spotted him filming Californication near my apartment, I couldn’t resist. When I arrived, there were already a handful of fans gathered. I quickly bonded with another admirer, and we both marveled at Duchovny’s presence.
“You know,” she said, “he keeps looking over here.” I dismissed it as wishful thinking, but lo and behold, he was indeed glancing our way. As he walked closer, I froze—words escaped me. The silence stretched until he finally asked, “Isn’t anyone going to say anything?” Just then, a crowd surged in.
I watched as fans took photos and chatted with him casually, while I remained paralyzed. My new friend encouraged me to come back the next day for a photo, and I did, but I was a bundle of nerves the entire time.
Every Man I Meet Is Mulder
I’ve fallen for more than one tortured genius whose combination of vulnerability and charm has been utterly intoxicating, many of whom remind me of Mulder. They tend to dominate conversations, sometimes stifling my own creativity. While this has lessened as I’ve matured, I still grapple with it.
Perhaps my fascination stems from my geeky high school boyfriend introducing me to The X-Files, leaving a lasting imprint. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, it’s no surprise I’ve linked my deepest desires to a TV character. Or maybe it’s just that a flawed genius resides within me, waiting for Mulder to help me solve the mystery. If he ever wants to swing by and assist with the case, my basement office is always open.
For more insights on the journey of parenthood, check out this post that delves into unique experiences. And if you’re interested in fertility options, Make a Mom offers some great resources. Additionally, for more information on intrauterine insemination, visit Healthline for excellent guidance.
Summary
In this reflection, I explore my long-standing affection for Fox Mulder, the iconic character from The X-Files, and how he represents my inner desires and the archetype of the troubled genius. My experiences with David Duchovny, who plays Mulder, highlight the impact of this character on my life and relationships. Through humor and introspection, I acknowledge how my love for Mulder has shaped my views on love and creativity.