Navigating Bullying with Our Kids: A Parent’s Perspective

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Every new school year, I sit down with my boys to chat about bullies—what they look like and, more importantly, how to avoid becoming one themselves. It’s a necessary discussion, especially since both of our kids are on the autism spectrum and often have difficulty interpreting others’ emotions. Sarcasm? They don’t get it. Meanness? That often flies over their heads, too. If they spot a child being unkind, they might not understand the situation, which signals the need for parental intervention.

But here’s where it gets tricky: when do you step in as a parent? How do you find the balance between encouraging your kids to advocate for themselves and not stepping in too much? It’s a balancing act every parent faces as their children grow.

A couple of years ago, our oldest experienced bullying for the first time. We held conferences, the bully was called out, and life at school continued. Unfortunately, we knew it wouldn’t be a one-time event. My husband and I had numerous discussions about how to handle future incidents. Should we alert the school every time? We can’t always be there to defend them, yet we want them to feel empowered.

Last year, the same child who had previously bullied our son began targeting him again. I was furious. Our sensitive child was crying himself to sleep each night because of this one nasty kid. I wrestled with how to teach him resilience—how to ignore the bully while also standing up for himself without crossing the line into bullying.

One night, during a conversation about the situation, he asked me what to do when bullied. I took a deep breath and said, “When I deal with adult bullies, I remind myself that they’re just not nice people. We encounter all sorts of individuals in life. Most are decent, but some are just mean. So, when that kid starts being hurtful, just think to yourself, ‘This kid is a jerk.’”

To my surprise, he found comfort in that advice. Still, I worried—what if he accidentally said it out loud at school? Thankfully, he didn’t, and this approach actually proved effective. Not long ago, while at a ballpark, a group of kids began picking on our younger child, saying incredibly harsh things, including that the world would be better off without him. At that moment, I drew the line and intervened. No child should have to hear such awful statements.

After some tears and an apology, our youngest quickly bounced back. I was internally grateful he hadn’t fully grasped the nuances of meanness due to his autism and hoped he wouldn’t recall this encounter later. However, I knew our oldest understood the gravity of the situation. As we left the park, I calmly asked him how he felt after witnessing the bullying.

“I’m okay, and I’m happy my brother is alright. Those kids were just a bunch of jerks,” he replied.

I felt a sense of relief, knowing I was doing something right in parenting.

In summary, teaching our kids to navigate bullying is a delicate dance. It requires open communication, understanding their unique challenges, and empowering them to stand up for themselves while still knowing that it’s okay to seek help. For more insights on dealing with parenting challenges like these, check out this post on home insemination kits or explore resources at Make a Mom, known for their expertise in family planning. You can also find excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination at CCRM IVF’s blog.