I Had No Idea How Relaxed the Ratings for ’80s Movies Were Until I Introduced Them to My Kids (Yikes!)

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As someone who grew up in the ’80s, I have a deep affection for everything from that iconic decade. I remember my hair being sky-high thanks to an excessive amount of Aqua Net, and I rocked multiple pairs of socks with my trusty white sneakers. I can’t bear to part with my beloved denim jacket, and I still dance like nobody’s watching to “Hangin’ Tough” by New Kids on the Block in the grocery store.

There’s nothing quite like snuggling up to watch the classic ’80s films that shaped my childhood. Just hearing the intro of “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds transports me back to Judd Nelson’s unforgettable performance in The Breakfast Club.

Once my children were old enough, I was bursting with excitement to share my cherished ’80s classics with them. I wanted them to experience the same thrill I felt when John Cusack held that boombox or when Jake Ryan said, “Yeah, you!” to Samantha in Sixteen Candles. I was especially eager for them to fall in love with Steel Magnolias like I did.

So, when the moment finally came, my husband and I eagerly decided to kick off our ’80s movie marathon with Spaceballs. Our son was all about Star Wars at the time, so we thought Rick Moranis’s goofy portrayal of Dark Helmet would be a hit. We settled in with blankets and popcorn, only to realize we had made a colossal mistake.

I completely blanked on how much swearing and suggestive humor was packed into Spaceballs. By the halfway mark, my husband and I were exchanging worried looks as our kids asked about chastity belts. It turned out that one of my favorite films had suddenly become our biggest parenting flop: my kids found the word “asshole” hysterical. Thanks, Moranis.

We soon figured out that ’80s movies should really come with a special warning label for parents, indicating just how much “education” their kids might get while watching. Here’s a list of some films to approach with caution:

Doc Hollywood

Michael J. Fox stars as a plastic surgeon who takes a wrong turn and ends up in a small town. Sounds innocent, right? But brace yourself for full nudity as the female lead emerges from a lake, leading to some awkward questions from your kids.

National Lampoon’s Vacation

We’ve all had road trips that turn into chaos, but unless you want your kids to witness Chevy Chase’s wife giving him a striptease, it’s best to hold off on this one.

Stand By Me

A coming-of-age classic, but the plot revolves around four boys searching for a dead body. Seriously, what were our parents thinking?

Edward Scissorhands

Want your kids to have nightmares about a man with scissors for hands? Then this is the film for you.

Ghostbusters

I completely forgot about the ghost lap dance scene. Watching my son chuckle at a Ghostbuster getting a little too friendly with a ghost was beyond awkward.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I used to think this was just about skipping school, but the swearing is off the charts. Who knew Ferris had such a colorful vocabulary?

The Breakfast Club

I adore this film, but wow — the language and the suggestive discussions among the characters? Not ideal for my tweens.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

You’d think a movie about a sweet alien would be harmless, but hearing Elliott call his family “penis breath” at the dinner table? Just no.

Our generation produced some of the most memorable (and questionable) films, and it’s hard not to want to share that nostalgia with our kids. Watching them connect with scenes I loved brings back memories of my own childhood, rocking my Esprit jeans. But honestly? It’s not always Wonderful when you’re a die-hard ’80s fan and have to wait until your kids have Sixteen Candles on their cakes before they can join you on the couch. See what I did there?

In summary, while the ’80s brought us some legendary movies, many of them aren’t exactly kid-friendly. It’s crucial to preview these films before sharing them with your children, lest you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation!