You know, I found a lump and honestly, I wasn’t too worried at first. Last year, I had a cyst in a similar spot that turned out to be completely benign. I called my doctor and made an appointment. When I saw the nurse practitioner, she felt it and said it seemed like the same cyst, nothing to fret about, and suggested we could just keep an eye on it for a few months. But I wasn’t having that. I insisted on an ultrasound. Thank goodness I did.
The ultrasound showed two spots that raised some red flags. So, I had to schedule a biopsy. Let me tell you, they had a tough time numbing my breast, and I felt every bit of that needle. Afterward, they reassured me that it looked benign, saying that 90% of lumps biopsied in women my age turn out to be harmless. I felt a wave of relief wash over me, and so did my partner, Mark.
The next day, I went shopping, but when I got home, I received a phone call that changed everything. One spot was just a benign fibroid, but the other one? Invasive ductal carcinoma. That news came just a day before Thanksgiving, and it’s a moment I’ll never forget. Mark was right there with me, and we both just sat there, stunned. I called my mom first to break the news, and I remember feeling so sorry for putting her through that. Watching my family grapple with the news has been heartbreaking. My dad came to take the kids so they wouldn’t have to witness our pain. Mark and I just held each other and cried, making a promise to each other that I wouldn’t leave him. What a terrible day that was.
I have had moments of thinking, “This is so unfair,” but honestly, it’s really not. My life has been filled with blessings. I often find myself thinking, “Something has to go wrong; everything is just too perfect.”
I had a loving family growing up, with parents who always prioritized my brother and me. They were silly, generous, honest, and knew exactly what I needed. I’ve never had a need that wasn’t met. I received a great education and had countless opportunities to grow and explore. I’ve traveled, made friends from all walks of life, and have been surrounded by love without any expectations. I fell in love with my soulmate, have a job I adore, and find joy in even the smallest things. I see beauty where others might only see darkness. I’m mostly happy, dreaming big and unafraid to take risks. I’ve run marathons and penned poetry that I’m proud of. I live in a cozy home with neighbors who share wine with me on random afternoons and bring over meals just because. And more than anything, I’ve given birth to two amazing boys who have completely transformed my life. They make me feel cherished every single day. My life has been nothing short of incredible.
Working with at-risk youth has shown me what real unfairness looks like. Real unfairness is being treated differently because of who you are, facing abuse, or not having food on the table. I know what unfair is.
I have cancer, and it truly sucks. But it isn’t unfair. It’s just part of life—my life. I have everything I need to fight it: a fantastic medical team, a supportive network of friends and family, health insurance, and the determination to get through this. And I will.
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In summary, my experience with cancer has revealed to me how blessed my life has been, and even amidst the struggle, I find strength and gratitude.