Dear My Sweet Firstborn

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Hey there, my sweet firstborn,

I owe you a heartfelt apology. Looking back, I realize I obsessed way too much over your sleep schedule. Those early years were a whirlwind of stress, trying to get you to nap. I yelled, I cried, and sometimes I just let you cry. I thought you needed that sleep, but what you really needed was a calm mom, not a stressed-out one. I’m really sorry about that.

I also regret that you spent so much time around adults. Being an only child myself, and with your dad’s family living far away, you didn’t have many cousins to play with. Since I hadn’t found my groove with other moms yet, you became the center of attention for grownups. I wonder if that’s why you’re such a serious kid. The world needs responsible firstborns, but I sometimes worry I took away some of that childhood silliness from you.

And then there was the baby food. I fed you all those bland, homemade purees while your little brother got to eat what we ate right from the start. You lived on unseasoned sweet potatoes, peas, and carrots for way too long. I hope one day you’ll embrace more adventurous flavors!

I’m sorry for dragging you to every baby class I could find, even before you could sit up. I was just craving adult interaction, and you were my perfect excuse to get out there.

When it came to discipline, we were way too strict. We were rookies at parenting, and you took the brunt of our mistakes. We yelled and handed out way too many time-outs. I regret that you had to carry the weight of our learning curve. You’ll be the one we navigate homework with, curfews, and even college applications. I’ve loosened up since then, but the pressure of those firsts with you still hangs over me.

You gave me the most incredible gift—making me a mom. That’s a heavy title to carry, and I know it. I’m sorry for the weight I put on your shoulders. Thank goodness for your siblings!

Love, Mom

Further Reading

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Summary

This heartfelt letter reflects on the author’s regrets as a first-time parent. She apologizes for worrying too much about her child’s sleep, the bland baby food, and the strict discipline methods they used. The author acknowledges the unique challenges of parenting a firstborn and expresses gratitude for the lessons learned along the way.