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The Tired Mom’s Playbook for Unwanted Co-Sleeping
So you’ve found yourself in the world of co-sleeping, even though it wasn’t in your plans? Here’s a guide to surviving those sleepless nights when your little one insists on sharing your bed.
Nighttime Chronicles
11 PM: Settle in for the night, everyone tucked into their own spaces, convinced that this arrangement is here to stay.
12:30 AM: Up again to soothe the baby back to sleep.
1:30 AM: Another trip to rock the baby.
2 AM: A bathroom break. Wishing you had kept up with those pelvic floor exercises.
2:45 AM: Back to rocking the baby, who seems to have other ideas. Cold and weary, you decide to bring the baby into your bed—this will be the last time, for sure.
2:50 AM: Time to follow the co-sleeping safety guidelines: protect your eyes, hair, and vital organs from those tiny flailing limbs as your baby gets cozy.
2:55 AM: Ouch! A surprise kick to the temple. How did that foot even get up there? You maintain your composure, only muttering curses in your head.
3 AM: You and your partner cling to the edge of the bed, amazed at how such a small baby can take up so much space and seem to grow extra limbs overnight.
3:10 AM: Communicate with your partner in silent mime about the octopus-like baby and the lack of space. Watch as he happily retreats to the spare room, leaving you to cling to the edge.
3:15 AM: As you wait for the baby to settle down (read: stop attacking you), feel grateful you’re lying down instead of doing the ‘shush-pat’ routine in the nursery.
3:20 AM: Just as the baby drifts off, your body betrays you with a cough—try to hold it in, but it escapes as a strangled bark.
3:25 AM: Attempt to free your hair from the baby’s grip. You’re exhausted; surely you can sleep through this pain.
3:26 AM: Nope, not happening. Curse silently but with feeling.
3:30 AM: Cycle through these thoughts: “Nobody else co-sleeps. Co-sleeping is natural. It creates dependency. It’s right for us. I’ll regret this. Is my scalp bleeding? We need more bread.”
3:55 AM: Look at your adorable baby, enjoying the closeness as he curls up next to you. Listen to his little breaths and start to drift off.
5:15 AM: Wake up suddenly, panicked that the baby isn’t there—only to find him perched on your bladder.
5:20 AM: Try to ignore the urge to go to the bathroom and will yourself to go back to sleep. Consider if bed-wetting is a fair trade-off for waking the baby.
5:25 AM: Gently move the baby’s head—success! Back to sleep.
6:15 AM: Awaken to your baby cheerfully bonking you on the head with his pacifier. Another successful night for him!
Resources for Parents
If you’re navigating the ups and downs of parenthood and want to learn more about the journey to parenthood, check out this resource on in vitro fertilisation. And if you’re looking for ways to boost your fertility, you might find valuable info at Make a Mom. For more on co-sleeping and parenting hacks, feel free to dive into our other blog post on co-sleeping protocols.
Summary
Navigating the world of co-sleeping can be a challenge for any tired parent. This playful guide chronicles the night-to-night struggles and humorous moments of a mother reluctantly sharing her bed with her little one. Embracing the chaos while finding joy in those intimate moments can make those sleepless nights a bit more bearable.
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